Suddenly Everything Changed

I stir awake at night
 Stuttering, s-stuttering the words of a feeling
 A feeling I can no longer find
 All the pain that I'm holding on
 Self inflict for a bit, like it makes me strong
 Am I wrong? Not enough for your love
 I used to crave attention
 Now I've grown used to loneliness
 'Cause I can't break my own heart
 And refuse to let you do it again
 My dichotomy sits between happiness and suffering
 This illness enervates my cheeks
 And it drains them of their coloring
 Sometimes I bloom, and then I wither
 My lungs collapse, pneumonia it blisters
 All I ever wanted was a reprieve from these aches
 From feeling drained, from the sadness I can't satiate
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 What's left of us? Can you answer with honesty?
 I resent you too much for you to be happy with me
 I'm hanging on the truth, it's at the tip of my tongue
 I tried to feel something, but I've just grown numb
 I fear to hurt again, I'm afraid to let you in
 I lost myself that first time, I haven't been the same since
 Am I a fool for you?
 Or have I just been comfortable with abuse?
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 I'm a hostage in my head
 Cut so deep from the words you've said
 I can't find relief
 Searching for reprieve
 Am I a fool for you?
 Or am I just comfortable with abuse?
 Am I a fool for you?
 Or am I just comfortable with abuse?
 I can't find relief
 Searching for reprieve