The Father of the Bride

My daughter is marrying an idiot
 How could she stoop so low?
 My daughter is marrying a nincompoop
 She loves him, but even so
 I thought I had taught her what to expect
 For someone as fine as she
 A man with some fire
 Some brains and some tact
 Someone, in fact, like me
 My daughter is marrying an idiot
 The stupidest of men
 And I wish she were just
 My own little girl again
 Marriage is a sacrament
 Which is just a way to say
 That a very private thing is done
 In a very public way
 You stand among your neighbors
 Like a lamb before the slaughter
 And watch some village idiot
 Take away your daughter
 The groom has got a family
 That sits around and gapes
 And bears a strange resemblance
 To anthropoidal apes
 It's like some sort of nightmare
 And the thought that really kills
 Not only must you suffer
 But you have to pay the bills!
 My daughter is marrying an idiot
 The stupidest of men
 And I wish she were just
 My own little girl again
 Agnes
 Agnes, dear, are you all right?
 Of course I'm all right
 This is the happiest day of my life!
 When the kids get married
 All of our duties will be done
 When the kids get married
 We can have some fun
 All of a sudden
 We'll be free
 Think how happy
 We will be
 I'm glad they're married now