If I Didn't Have A Goiter

So you came up to me at the end of the night
 I stay in profile and keep out of the light
 I'd like to meet your gaze and face you straight on.
 But there's something in my features that's very very wrong
 If I seem a tad evasive, or preoccupied
 I'll put it to you straight, I'd be in trouble if I lied
 Any further chance of congress will prob'ly be wrecked
 But I'll tell you the truth, and darn me to heck
 There's a lump like a casaba melon stuck on my neck
 If I didn't have a goiter, I'd ask you out
 If I didn't have a goiter, I wouldn't wear these turtlenecks
 If I didn't have a goiter, I wouldn't be quite so vexed
 If I didn't have a goiter, goiter, goiter, goiter, goiter
 So you got the beer goggles and you're not walking right
 But you'd have to be blind not to notice this sight
 I lay on my side whenever I go to bed
 Cause this thing is like havin' me a second head
 People point and stare whenever I ride the bus
 At my glandular piñata that is chock full of pus
 Another couple seconds you'll find out and be gone
 Guess I'll never get a chanec to make that special bond
 Cause my thyroid seats 4 with room for carry-on
 If I didn't have a goiter, I'd ask you out
 If I didn't have a goiter, I wouldn't wear these turtlenecks
 If I didn't have a goiter, I wouldn't be quite so vexed
 If I didn't have a goiter, goiter, goiter, goiter, goiter
 You seen my defect but you're still hangin' round
 And suddenly my chances are goin' up instead of down
 I got the feeling you and I are sharing the night
 And the reason I know everything is alright
 Is cause now I see that you have got the elephantitis
 If I didn't have a goiter, I'd ask you out
 If I didn't have a goiter, I wouldn't wear these turtlenecks
 If I didn't have a goiter, I wouldn't be quite so vexed
 If I didn't have a goiter, goiter, goiter, goiter, goiter