Trapped In the Drive-Thru (Parody of "Trapped In The Closet" by R. Kelly)

Seven o'clock in the evening
 Watchin something stupid on TV
 I'm zoned out on the sofa
 When my wife comes in the room and sees me
 And she says, "Is this Behind the Music with Lynyrd Skynyrd?"
 And I say, "I don't know..."
 Say, "It's gettin' late, what you wanna do for dinner?"
 She says, "I kinda had a big lunch so I'm not super hungry."
 I said, "Well, you know, baby, I'm not starvin' either but I could eat..."
 She said, "So what do you have in mind?"
 I said, "I don't know, what about you?"
 She said, "I don't care... if you're hungry, let's eat."
 I said, "That's what we're gonna do!
 But first you gotta tell me what it is you're hungry for?"
 And she says, "Let me think, what's left in our refrigerator?"
 I said, "Well, there's tuna, I know."
 She said, "That went bad a week ago!"
 I said, "Is the chili okay?"
 She said, "You finished that yesterday!"
 I hopped up and I said
 "I don't know. Do you want to get something delivered?"
 She's like, "Why would I want to eat liver? I don't even like liver!"
 I'm like, "No, I said 'delivered'."
 She's like, "I heard you say 'liver'!"
 I'm like, "I should know what I said..."
 She's like, "Whatever! I just don't want any liver!"
 Well, I was gonna say something
 But my cell phone started to ring
 Now who could be callin' me?
 Well, I checked my caller ID
 It was just cousin Larry
 Callin' for the third time today
 My wife said, "Let it go to voicemail."
 I said, "Okay."
 "Where were we? Oh, dinner, right! So what do you want to do?"
 She said, "Why don't you whip up somethin' in the kitchen?"
 "Yeah," I said, "why don't you?"
 And then she said, "Baby, can't we just go out to dinner, please?"
 I says, "No"
 She says, "Yes"
 I says, "No"
 She says, "Yes"
 I says, "No"
 She says, "Yes... Oh, here's your keys"
 I step a little bit closer
 Say, "Okay, where ya want to go?"
 She says, "How about The Ivy?"
 I said, "Yeah, well, I don't know
 I don't feel like gettin' all dressed up
 And eatin' expensive food"
 She's says, "Olive Garden?"
 I say, "Nah, I'm not in the mood
 And Burrito King would make me gassy
 There's no doubt"
 She says, "Just forget about it"
 I said, "No, I swear I'm gonna take you out!"
 Then I get an idea
 I say, "I know what we'll do!"
 She says, "What?"
 I say, "Guess!"
 She says "What?"
 I say, "We're goin' to the drive-thru!"
 So we head out the front door
 Open the garage door
 Then I open the car doors
 And we get in those car doors
 Put my key in the ignition
 And then I turn it sideways
 Then we fasten our seat belts
 As we pull out the driveway
 Then we drive to the drive-thru
 Heading off to the drive-thru
 We're approaching the drive-thru
 Getting close to the drive-thru
 Almost there at the drive-thru
 Now we're here at the drive-thru
 Here in line at the drive-thru
 Did I mention the drive-thru?
 ♪
 ♪
 Well, here we are
 In the drive-thru line, me and her
 Cars in front of us, cars in back of us
 All just waiting to order
 There's some idiot in a Volvo
 With his brights on behind me
 I lean out the window and scream
 "Hey, what you trying to do, blind me?"
 My wife says, "Maybe we should park, we could just go eat inside."
 I said, "I'm wearin' bunny slippers
 So I ain't leavin' this ride..."
 Now a woman on a speaker box
 Is sayin', "Can I take your order, please?"
 I said, "Yes indeed, you certainly can
 We'd like two hamburgers with onions and cheese."
 Then my wife says "Baby, hold on, I've changed my mind!
 I think I'm gonna have a chicken sandwich instead this time"
 I said, "You always get a cheeseburger!"
 She says, "That's not what I'm hungry for."
 I put my head in my hands and scream
 "I don't know who you are anymore!"
 The voice on the speaker says
 "I don't have all day."
 I said, "Then take our order and we'll be on our way!
 I wanna get a chicken sandwich and I want a cheeseburger too"
 She's like, "You want onions on that?"
 I'm like, "Yeah, I already said that I do
 Plus we need curly fries
 And don't you dare forget it!
 And two medium root beers
 No, just one, we'll split it."
 Then I said "I'm guessin' that you're probably not too bright
 So read me back my order
 Let's make sure you got it right."
 She says "One - you want a chicken sandwich
 Two - you want a cheeseburger
 Three - curly fries, and a large root beer"
 "Stop! Don't go no further!
 I never ordered a large root beer
 I said medium, not large!"
 Then she says, "We're havin' a special
 I supersized you at no charge."
 "Oh." And that's all
 I could say, was "Oh."
 And she says, "Now there is somethin' else
 That I really think you should know
 You can have unlimited refills
 For just a quarter more."
 I say "Great, except we're in the drive-thru, so what would I want that for?"
 Then she says, "Wait a minute
 Your voice sounds so familiar... hey, is this Paul?
 And my wife is all like "No, that ain't Paul
 Now tell me, who's this Paul?"
 She says, "Oh, he's just some guy
 Who goes to school with me
 I sat behind him last year
 And I copied off of him in Geometry."
 I said, "I know a guy named Paul
 He used to be my plumber
 He was prematurely bald
 And he moved to Pittsburgh last summer
 He also had bladder problems
 And a really bad infection on his toe."
 And she says, "Mister, please, you can stop right there
 That's way more than I needed to know!"
 And then we both were quiet
 And things got real intense
 Then she says, "Next window, please
 That'll be five dollars and eighty two cents!"
 So we inched ahead in line
 Movin' painfully slow
 I got a little bored
 So I turned on the radio
 ♪
 Click, turned it off
 Because my wife was getting a headache
 So we both just sat there quietly for her sake
 Then I looked at her
 And she looked back at me
 And I said, "Um, I think you have somethin' in your teeth."
 She turned away from me
 And then turned back and said, "Did I get it?"
 I said, "Yeah, well, I mean, most of it
 But hey, ya know, don't sweat it."
 Then she said, "How about now?"
 I said, "Yeah, almost
 There's still a little bit there, but don't worry
 It's probably just a piece of toast."
 Now we're at the pay window
 Or whatever you call it
 Put my hand in my pocket
 I can't believe there's no wallet!
 ♪
 And the lady at the window's like
 "Well, well, well, that'll be five eighty-two."
 I turn around to my wife, and say
 "How much have you got on you?"
 She just rolls her eyes and says
 "I'll pay for this, I guess"
 So she reaches into her purse
 And busts out the American Express
 I hand it to the lady
 And she says "Oh dear, It's gotta be cash only
 We don't take credit cards here."
 I took back the card and said
 "Gee, really? Well, that sucks."
 And that's when I found out
 My wife was only carryin' three bucks
 I said, "I thought you were gonna hit the ATM today"
 She says, "I never got around to it, so where's your wallet anyway?"
 And I said, "Never mind, just help me to find some change..."
 Now the lady at the window
 Is lookin' at me kind of strange
 And she says, "Mister, please, we gotta move this line along"
 I said, "Now, hold your stinkin' horses, lady!
 We won't be long."
 So I looked around inside the glove-box
 And checked the mat beneath my feet
 I found a nickel in an ashtray
 And a couple pennies and a dime in the space between the seats
 Before long I had a little pile of coins of every sort
 The lady counts it up and says
 "You're still about a dollar short"
 And now my woman's got this weird look
 Frozen on her face
 She screams, "You know, I wasn't even really hungry in the first place!"
 And so I turned around
 To the cashier again
 I shrugged and said: "Okay, forget the chicken sandwich then"
 So I pick up my change
 Pick up my receipt
 And I drive to the pickup window
 Man, I just can't wait to eat
 And now we see this acne-ridden kid about sixteen
 Wearin' a dorky nametag that says
 "Hello, my name is Eugene."
 And he hands me a paper bag
 I look him in the eyes
 And I say to him, "Hey, Eugene, could I get some ketchup for my fries?"
 Well, he looks at me
 And I look at him
 And he looks at me
 And I look at him
 And he looks it me
 And I look at him
 And he says, "I'm sorry!
 What did you want again?"
 I say "Ketchup!"
 And he says, "Oh yeah, that's right
 I just spaced out there for a second
 I'm really kind of burnt tonight."
 And then he hands me the ketchup
 And now we're finally drivin' away
 And the food is drivin' me mad
 With its intoxicating bouquet
 I'm starvin' to death
 By the time we pull up at the traffic light
 I say, "Baby, gimme that burger
 I just gotta have a bite!"
 So she reaches in the bag
 And pulls out the burger
 And she hands me the burger
 And I pick up the burger
 And then I unwrap the paper
 I bite into those buns
 And I just can't believe it
 They forgot the onion!