Stop Forwarding That Crap to Me

Oh, the sand keeps fallin' through the hourglass
 There's no way you're gonna slow it down
 You say, "We gotta treasure each moment
 Who knows how long we're gonna be around?"
 Yeah, you keep on telling me life is short
 And it's hard to disagree with what you say
 But if time is so precious, why you wastin' mine?
 'Cause I'm always reading, always deleting
 Every useless piece of garbage that you send my way
 Every stupid hoax, all those corny jokes
 Stop forwarding that crap to me
 Well, I don't need tons of cringe inducing puns
 Stop forwarding that crap to me
 No, it isn't okay if you brighten my day
 With some cut and pasted, hackneyed Hallmark poetry
 And I didn't request a personality test
 Stop forwarding that crap to me
 You're sending virus-laden, bandwidth-hogging attachments
 To every single person you know
 You're passin' 'round a link to some dumb thing on YouTube
 That everybody else already saw three years ago
 And wacky, badly photoshopped billboards were never that amusing to me
 And I just can't believe you believe those urban legends
 But I have high hopes someone'll point you towards Snopes
 And debunk that crazy junk you're spewing constantly
 No, I don't want a bowl of Chicken Soup for the Soul
 Stop forwarding that crap to me
 Send more top ten lists and I'll slash my wrists
 Stop forwarding that crap to me
 Well, I'm sorry I can't accept your paranoid rant
 And I don't want the Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe
 Won't you kindly refrain, 'cause it's hurting my brain
 Stop forwarding that crap to me
 Like glittery hearts and unicorns and pictures of somebody's cat
 Now tell me
 In what alternate reality would I care about something like that?
 And by the way
 Your quotes from George Carlin aren't really George Carlin
 Mr. Rogers never fought the Viet Cong
 And Bill Gates is never gonna give me something for nothing
 And I highly doubt some dead girl's gonna
 Kill me if I don't pass your letter along
 Well, now I know you're wishin' I'll sign your petition
 But stop forwarding that crap to me
 And I don't wanna read your series of conspiracy theories
 Just stop forwarding that crap to me
 And your two million loser friends all have my address now
 'Cause you never figured out the way to BCC
 Now, I gotta insist
 Take me off of your list
 Stop forwarding that crap to me
 (Stop forwarding that crap to me)
 (Stop forwarding that crap to me)
 (Stop forwarding that crap to me)
 (Stop forwarding that crap to me)
 Just stop it now (stop forwarding that crap to me)
 Oh, no, whoa (stop forwarding that crap to me)
 (Stop forwarding that crap to me)
 I can't take it (stop forwarding that crap to me)
 Ah, please (stop forwarding that crap to me)
 (Stop forwarding that crap to me)
 You gotta stop (stop forwarding that crap to me)
 Right now (stop forwarding that crap to me)
 (Stop forwarding that crap to me)
 I'm not kidding (stop forwarding that crap to me)
 At the risk of being slightly
 Repetitious gonna ask you now to stop (stop)
 Sending me that (crap)
 I don't want it
 Don't send it to me
 Don't send it to me
 (Stop forwarding that crap to me)
 Just stop (stop forwarding that crap to me)
 Oh, stop forwarding that crap to me
 To me