Skipper Dan

I starred in every high school play
 Blew every drama teacher away
 I graduated first in my class at Juilliard
 Took every acting workshop I could
 And I dreamed of Hollywood
 While I read my Uta Hagen and studied the Bard
 Hit the boards and paid my dues
 And got phenomenal rave reviews
 I knew the world was gonna love me, without a doubt
 I was sure that Tarantino would be callin' me on the phone
 Annie Leibovitz would shoot me for Rolling Stone
 But the years have come and gone
 And I'm sorry to say that's not the way that it's all worked out
 I'm a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride
 Skipper Dan is the name
 And I'm doin' 34 shows every day
 And every time it's the same
 Look at those hippos, they're wigglin' their ears
 Just like they've done for the last 50 years
 Now I'm laughin' at my own jokes but I'm cryin' inside
 Cause I'm workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride
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 Oh, the critics, they used to say
 I was the new Olivier
 Thought I'd be the toast of Sundance or maybe Cannes
 Aw, but don't bother tryin' to IMDB me
 The only place you might possibly see me
 Is ridin' my little boat around Adventureland
 It ain't exactly what I planned
 But I'm a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride
 Skipper Dan is the name
 And I'm doin 34 shows every day
 And every time it's the same
 I would've killed if I'd been in "Speed The Plow"
 But what's the difference, that's all behind me now
 Cause I'm payin' the rent and I'm swallowin my pride
 And I'm workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride
 I should be there on Broadway
 Knockin' 'em dead in "12 Angry Men"
 But instead I'm here tellin' these lame jokes
 Again and again and again and again and again and again and again
 Bengal Tigers can jump over 20 feet!
 That's an African bull elephant
 And there it is, the backside of water!
 What have I done with my life?!
 I should a listened when my grandfather said
 "Why don't you major in business instead?"
 Now my hopes have all vanished and my dreams have all died
 And I'll probably work forever as a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride
 Skipper Dan is the name
 And I'm doin' 34 shows every day
 And every time it's the same
 Look at those hippos, they're wigglin their ears
 Somebody shoot me cause I'm bored to tears
 Always said I'd be famous... I guess that I lied
 Cause I'm workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride
 I'm still workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride