Everything You Know Is Wrong

I was driving on the freeway in the fast lane
 With a rabid wolverine in my underwear
 When suddenly a guy behind me in the back seat
 Popped right up and cupped his hands across my eyes
 I guessed, "Is it Uncle Frank or Cousin Louie?"
 "Is it Bob or Joe or Walter?"
 "Could it be Bill or Jim or Ed or Bernie or Steve?"
 I probably would have kept on guessing
 But about that time we crashed into the truck
 And as I'm laying bleeding there on the asphalt
 Finally I recognize the face of my hibachi dealer
 Who takes off his prosthetic lips and tells me
 Everything you know is wrong
 Black is white, up is down and short is long
 And everything you thought was just so
 Important doesn't matter
 Everything you know is wrong
 Just forget the words and sing along
 All you need to understand is
 Everything you know is wrong
 I was walkin' to the kitchen for some Golden Grahams
 When I accidentally stepped into an alternate dimension
 And soon I was abducted by some aliens from space
 Who kinda looked like Jamie Farr
 They sucked out my internal organs
 And they took some polaroids
 And said I was a darn good sport
 And as a way of saying thank you
 They offered to transport me back to
 Any point in history that I would care to go
 And so I had them send me back to last Thursday night
 So I could pay my phone bill on time
 Just then the floating disembodied head of
 Colonel Sanders started yelling
 Everything you know is wrong
 Black is white, up is down and short is long
 And everything you thought was just so
 Important doesn't matter
 Everything you know is wrong
 Just forget the words and sing along
 All you need to understand is
 Everything you know is wrong
 ♪
 I was just about to mail a letter to my evil twin
 When I got a nasty papercut
 And, well, to make a long story short
 It got infected and I died
 So now I'm up in heaven with St. Peter
 By the pearly gates
 And it's obvious he doesn't like
 The Nehru jacket that I'm wearing
 He tells me that they've got a dress code
 Well, he lets me into heaven anyway
 But I get the room next to the noisy ice machine
 For all eternity
 And every day he runs by screaming
 Everything you know is wrong
 Black is white, up is down and short is long
 And everything you used to think was so important
 Doesn't really matter anymore
 Because the simple fact remains that
 Everything you know is wrong
 Just forget the words and sing along
 All you need to understand is
 Everything you know is wrong
 Everything you know is wrong