Shores of California

He's been trying with limited success
 To get this girl to let him get into her dress
 But every time he thinks he's getting close
 She threatens death before he gets a chance
 And that's the way it is in Minnesota
 And that's the way it is in Oklahoma
 That's the way it's been since protozoa
 First climbed onto the shores of California
 And she's been trying with limited success
 To get him to turn out the lights and dance
 Cause like any girl all she really wants
 That fickle little bitch romance
 That fickle little bitch romance
 And that is why a girl is called a tease
 And that is why a guy is called a sleaze
 And that's why god made escort agencies
 One life to live and mace and GHB
 And that's the way it is in Minnesota
 And that's the way it is in Oklahoma
 That's the way since the animals and noah
 First climbed onto the shores of California
 Must not be too kind
 Stop thinking love is blind
 Clench your fists yeah write
 "She's just not my type..."
 ♪
 Why all these conflicting specifications
 Maybe to prevent overpopulation
 All I know is that all around the nation
 The girls are crying and the boys are masturbating
 The girls are crying and the boys are masturbating
 And that's the way it is in Minnesota
 And that's the way it is in Oklahoma
 That's the way Aristophanes and Homer
 Wrote the Iliad and Lysistrata (not in that order...)
 And that's the way it is in Minnesota
 And that's the way it is in Oklahoma
 That's the way it's been since protozoa
 First climbed onto the shores of California