The Girl Who Has Everything

In a statement released today
 Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis confirmed
 That her eighty-year-old aunt, Ms. Edith Bouvier Beale
 And her adult daughter, Edie
 Are living in squalid conditions
 In an East Hampton estate known as Grey Gardens
 The house that once played host to Howard Hughes and the Rockefellers
 Is now a refuge for fifty-two stray cats, a few rabid raccoons
 And its two reclusive inhabitants
 All living in an environment the health department calls
 "Unfit for human habitation"
 Mrs. Onassis described the situation as a "private family matter"
 And so we're left to ponder
 How could American royalty fall so far so fast?
 I found it, Mother darling
 I found your old record!
 She is the girl who has everything (Everything)
 She has the world on a string (On a string)
 Isn't it wonderful? (Meltingly lovely)
 God, aren't you just mad about your song? (As pure as the morn)
 I recorded it in 1941 (Venus reborn)
 I was very serious about my singing, loved it (Taming a...)
 Unicorn
 She is the girl who has everything
 You sang this song for me (Carry her off in her prime)
 I was the girl who had everything
 That's ancient history
 Yeah, everything minus the ring (Her youth's evanescence)
 I don't think people should get married (Makes haste of the essence)
 I don't believe in it at all
 Well if you can't get a man to propose to you
 You might as well be dead (Of the girl who has everything but time)
 I'll take a dog over a man any day
 You lived! I never lived
 Oh, you had your dancing!
 You were very good at that
 And you had music all the time
 She is the girl who has everything
 Talent and beauty
 Sublime
 The crowds and the clamor
 Aroused by her glamor
 Will fade like the echo of a chime
 She's the girl who has everything
 But time!