The Cake I Had

I have no complaints
 I have everything I ever wanted
 You had a rich husband!
 You should've stayed with him
 I had a perfect marriage
 Beautiful children
 Terribly successful marriage
 I never had a fight in my life
 Ha!
 I had a very, very happy, satisfying life
 Can't be done
 You can't have your cake and eat it too
 You can't
 Oh yes, I can!
 I most certainly did have my cake
 And eat it!
 Down to the last crumb
 What good is cake
 You have but never eat?
 I never could deny myself a sweet
 So I sliced my life
 And licked the knife
 And ate the cake I had
 Can't be done, I'm telling you
 Two perfect sons
 I thoroughly enjoyed
 An absent spouse
 And cats to fill the void
 And the tri-state's best accompanist
 Oh yes, I ate the cake I had
 Moist, light
 Gaily decorated
 Every tasty morsel savored, chewed and masticated
 Young, bright, rich and thin and clever
 Like a second helping?
 Sister, would I ever!
 I'll probably be an old maid until I die
 I'll sit around with cats the rest of my life
 When are you gonna learn, Edie?
 You're in this world, you know
 You're not out of the world
 The days are gone
 When money grew on trees
 The money tree came down with elm disease
 But at my age, ducks
 For my two bucks
 I'll eat the cake I have - and like it
 I'll eat the cake I have
 I think the saddest thing was my not marrying
 During the war, my best friend
 She was a nurse with the Red Cross
 She met somebody overseas in a hospital
 A Marine
 Lost both of his legs at Iwo Jima
 Romance was inevitable, really
 Given the situation
 But I couldn't travel
 Mother wasn't well during the war, you see
 Gerald Geddes worshipped you!
 And those two nice Rockefeller fellas
 Horrible, horrible!
 Oh, you just didn't want to get married!
 Now it's all blamed on me!
 I missed out on everything
 Gripe, groan
 Point the famous finger
 Life is disappointing
 Put the parent through the wringer
 Sulk, moan
 Blame it on the mother
 When I'm dead and buried
 You won't get another
 I met a count in Greenwich Village
 He was a poet and a playwright
 And he said, "Edith, I want to make an honest woman out of you"
 I thought that was very decent
 He didn't have a nickel in his trousers!
 Not a nickel!
 Mother despised him
 Gave him the pink slip
 To think! I could've been a countess
 Countess Edith
 Enough with all your celebrated loves
 You had two hands
 You could've modeled gloves
 Is it my fault that your cake fell flat?
 That you're unmarried, bald and fat?
 As the world waltzed by
 And Edie said
 I ate the cake I had - and loved it!
 Oh, I ate the cake I had
 No thanks to Daddy
 I ate the cake I had
 Sometimes I think I have the saddest life