Richard Interred

I'm dying! I'm dying!
 I told myself this tragedy would have a happy ending
 I was lying
 I'm trapped before the audience from hell and what
 I'm selling they aren't buying
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 I'm dying! I'm flopping!
 I let myself get tricked into appearing
 Like some undiscovered gender
 A bit of Al Pacino and a lot of
 Shirley Temple on a bender
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 This is brilliant
 It's a once-in-a-life achievement
 It's a vision that I believe in
 It's a seminal work of art
 How amazing
 This theatrical trail I'm blazing
 It's a miracle I created
 It's a wonder I was ever underrated
 It's hopeless
 Exciting!
 I should be playing Richard
 If this doesn't work it has to be the lighting
 I wonder what that sour-looking woman
 Sitting on the aisle is writing
 Ha!
 Am I King? Ker-fow!
 Oh, but Edward lives!
 I'm a flop on off off-Broadway
 There's my agent; there he goes
 Here at last on off off-Broadway
 And I'm wearing pantyhose
 If we run one week I can file for unemployment
 If we run one week I can file for unemployment
 It's a turkey, like the last time
 Think of acting as a pastime
 I may never work again
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 It's painful
 Pathetic
 The whole first row has slipped into a coma
 Someone ought to call a medic
 I've had more fun while undergoing
 Root canal without an anesthetic
 This is not respectful silence
 They are hostile, tense and bored
 And I sense impending violence
 Well, at least I've got a sword
 If we leave right now
 We'll be home in time for "Nightline"
 If we leave right now
 We'll be home in time for "Leno"
 Short of having a conniption
 I may cancel my subscription
 I'll be home in time for "Studs"
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 I know I can play this part
 But no one here will even have a clue
 I've the right interpretation
 And the proper motivation
 But my chance was ruined from the start
 I really can play this part
 I'm dying! He's dying!
 He looks so misera-bleh and
 It breaks my heart to see how hard he's trying
 And though I'm deeply bored
 He strikes a chord in me
 I almost feel like crying
 This show is so perverse
 It can't get any worse
 I'd love to disappear
 The ending must be near
 How much longer can I persevere?
 I wish I were anywhere but here