Good News, Bad News

What a gyp!
 This is such a rip-off
 Every time she sneers at me
 I want to rip her upper lip off
 But this is not a healthy way to live
 I've gotta try to be more. . .positive
 The good news is
 She doesn't own a shotgun so I guess I got off cheap
 The bad news is tonight I'm counting squatters
 When I should be counting sheep
 The good news is I'm here in New York where solvency
 May await
 The bad news is the good news ain't so great
 Sure I'm tired, depressed and pissed
 I'll pretend to be an optimist
 The good news is I'm sharing this apartment with a pair
 Of single chicks
 The bad news is that one of them is rabid and the
 Other's three foot six
 The good news is we're safe in my bed not out on
 The street, knock wood
 The bad news is he could be here for good
 Why this? Why me? Why now?
 Haven't I been through enough?
 Maybe this is just some nasty scene I'm dreaming
 But first I have to fall asleep
 So I can wake up screaming
 The good news is some quick negotiation
 Kept the roof above my head
 The bad news is a homicidal maniac
 Is ten feet from my bed
 The bad news is we're stuck with a roommate
 This one is a ticking bomb
 The good news is-
 This time I'm the one who sleeps with mom!
 The bad news is that I haven't slept a wink
 And it's almost dawn
 The good news is
 Maybe I'll wake up and
 She'll be
 He'll be
 Gone
 Why this?
 Why me?
 Why now?