Much More Married

When a woman like me
 Of un certain âge
 Meets a man that she likes
 On the prom or the plage
 She knows that he's bound to come
 Bearing baggage
 The emotional kind
 So what, I don't mind
 For a woman like me who is
 Racy and fast
 Must admit to a rippingly colourful past
 And just look around you
 The choice isn't vast
 I'd probably make due
 Well, almost, with you
 Except I'm in love with a man who I'm dating
 We're mad for each other, it's simply elating
 And the best of it all is he's separating
 So he cannot move in right away
 But he loves me
 So what can I say?
 Is he fantastic? He's topping
 Generous with plastic out shopping
 Handsome, though greying, and so distingué
 He loves to buy me lingerie, phones twice a day
 Lovely weekends in secluded hotels
 He's even hinted at wedding bells
 But we'll have to wait
 Ere the banns can be read
 'cause he's a teensy bit more married than he said
 Is he a charmer, he's nifty
 Quite the disarmer for fifty
 He says he can't leave the twins, who are eight
 I've told him I'm prepared to wait
 He thinks that's great
 Often we manage to meet at weekends
 That's if she hasn't invited their friends
 Seems the poor darling is too thinly spread
 But then he's quite a bit more married than he said
 Is he my mate, oh of course sir
 He just can't wait to divorce her
 When he is with her he only pretends
 He's always having to make amends for lost weekends
 God how he suffers, he feels such a louse
 I can't see why he should give up the house
 Doesn't she realise their marriage is dead?
 Or is he quite a lot more married than he said?
 Is he a cad? Oh please, God, no
 But he's a maddening sod, though
 Weekends I spend pouring over my chart
 He calls to say I must not lose heart, they sleep apart
 But I can't say that it gives me a boost
 Knowing right now she is being induced
 Next time I see him, I'll kick in his head
 'cause he's a bloody sight more married than he said
 If only he wasn't so brilliant in bed
 Oh!
 Oh!
 Oh!
 Oh!
 But he's definitely more
 Infinitely more
 Miles more married than he said
 Oh!