Sell, Sell, Sell

The credits roll, the camera pans
 And in the mist, our hero stands
 He starts to speak, then folds his hands in prayer
 An awkward pause, then "What's my line?"
 There's nothing left to say this time
 And what would you say to a bad guy who's not there?
 In terms of Roman numerals, he's IV league with Roman Polanski
 He'd win an Oscar every time if he was only given the chance
 He started on the Broadway stage
 A product of another age
 An offer and a pilot drew him West
 The series bombed, commercials came
 And though nobody knew his name
 They all recognized the potential he possessed
 Deodorants and dental floss and, "How much does that new car cost?"
 His acting most methodical in You Don't Need a Medical
 He's branded like a racing car, he's like a movie star without movies
 The week of Independence Day
 The casting agent called to say
 "Your smile could save our movie and the world!"
 Buy, buy, buy, buy, sell, sell, sell
 How well you learn to not discern
 Who's foe and who is friend
 We'll own them all in the end
 It goes like this, we have no choice
 The minarets, the wailing voice
 And vaguely Celtic music fills the air
 We choose a foreigner to hate
 The new Iraq gets more irate
 We really know nothing about them, and no one cares
 Aladdin and the forty thieves enhanced by brand new special effects
 Saddam and his cow disease spiced up with some gratuitous sex
 A movie's made, a war is won
 A low-speed chase, a smoking gun
 Distracts us while the actor takes the stand
 Buy, buy, buy, buy, sell, sell, sell
 How well you learn to not discern
 Who's foe and who is friend
 We'll own them all in the end