A Candymaker's Knife In My Handbag

A Candymaker's Knife in my Handbag
 A night out in the tropics
 Turned out I couldn't cope
 After the School of Fancy Cookery
 With Antoinette Pope
 I learned brazing and saucing, meringue and sift
 Knead, flute and flour
 Each Thursday for an hour
 Cobblers and plum cakes, tarts savory and sweet
 A candymaker's knife in my handbag
 A candymaker's knife in my handbag
 Well I learned brazing and saucing, meringue and sift
 Knead, flute and flour
 Each Thursday for an hour
 Cobblers and plum cakes, tarts savory and sweet
 A candymaker's knife in my handbag
 A candymaker's knife in my handbag
 That night I was to meet my husband's father, for the very first time
 I wore the scarf he sent to me
 French silk, scarlet blue and cream
 He sits, he waits, a coffee on his knee
 I wonder if it's as bad as it might seem
 Zapped by the Zombie
 Zapped, zapped by the Zombie
 Zapped by the Zombie in the two-door Dodge
 Twice-baked brioche and pastry pockets
 And lock it's two-door Dodge
 Zapped by the Zombie
 Zapped, zapped by the Zombie
 Zapped by the Zombie in the two-door Dodge
 And I did not fail
 To bust off a nail as the Dodge door handle dodges my hand
 Delicate, delicate hold my hand
 Delicate nectarine upside-down chiffon cake
 Dodge down the downtown loop the loop lightly
 Hazelnut baby loaves
 Hazelnut baby loaves
 Hold my hand inside-out upside-down marzipan Milanese
 My brain is a blur
 Hodge-podge - cardinal slice - two-door, brand new
 What am I gonna do
 'Cause on the street the amber lights were hellish hot
 And the wind in the windows was not giving air
 And tropical Napeolons
 But it was too late and I didn't care
 And I didn't care
 Because first I went to meet Dr. Christopolous and his wife Claudette
 Who at the time was my close girlfriend
 They picked my up in their brand-new Dodge
 And we went to Trader Vic's, or Mr. Rick's
 And I ordered, like the others, a Zombie
 And it bombed me, it just bombed me
 And when we got to the stoop my father-in-law said "Were you attacked?"
 My aunt, being helpful, said something that made my heart just go sunk
 And with a look on her face like something had stunk
 "She's just drunk!" she hissed
 I reached for the arm of the armchair and missed
 A night out in the tropics
 Turned out I couldn't cope
 After the School of Fancy Cookery
 With Antoinette Pope
 I wore the scarf he sent to me
 French silk, scarlet blue and cream
 He sits, he waits, a coffee on his knee
 I wonder if it's as bad as it might seem