A Little Night Music: It Would Have Been Wonderful

I should never have gone to the theater
 Then I'd never have come to the country
 If I never had come to the country
 Matters might have stayed as they were
 Sir
 Sir?
 If she'd only been faded
 If she'd only been fat
 If she'd only been jaded and bursting with chat
 If she'd only been perfectly awful
 It would have been wonderful
 If
 If
 If she'd been all a-twitter
 Or elusively cold
 If she'd only been bitter or, better
 Look passably old
 If she'd been covered with glitter
 Or even been covered with mold
 It would have been wonderful
 But the woman was perfection
 To my deepest dismay
 Well, not quite perfection
 I'm sorry to say
 If the woman were perfection
 She would go away
 And that would be wonderful
 Sir
 Sir
 If she'd only looked flustered
 Or admitted the worst
 If she only had blustered
 Or simpered or cursed
 If she weren't so awfully perfect
 It would have been wonderful
 If
 If
 If she'd tried to be clever
 If she'd started to flinch
 If she'd cried
 Or whatever a woman would do in a pinch
 If I'd been certain she never again
 Could be trusted an inch
 It would have been wonderful
 But the woman was perfection
 Not an action denied
 The kind of perfection I cannot abide
 If the woman were perfection
 She'd have simply lied
 Which would have been wonderful
 If she'd only been vicious
 If she'd acted abused
 Or a bit too delicious
 Or been even slightly confused
 If she had only been sulky
 Or bristling
 Or bulky
 Or bruised
 It would have been wonderful
 If
 If
 If she'd only been willful
 If she only had fled
 Or a little less skillful
 Insulted, insisting
 In bed
 If she had only been fearful
 Or married
 Or tearful
 Or dead
 It would have been wonderful
 But the woman was perfection
 And the prospects are grim
 That lovely perfection
 That nothing can dim
 Yes, the woman was perfection
 So I'm here with him
 Sir
 Sir
 It would have been wonderful