William Tell Overture

It's a beautiful day for the race
 Stu Chan is the favorite today
 Assault is in there
 Dog Bisquit is three to one
 Safety pin has been scratched
 And at twenty to one, Feitlebaum
 Now the horses are approaching the starting gate
 And, eh, there they go
 And it's Stu Chan going to the front
 Cabbage is second on the rail
 Beautiful Linda is third by a length
 And Feitlebaum, around the first turn
 Stu Chan is still in front
 Cabbage is second by a head
 (Cabbage by a head)
 Beautiful Linda is third
 And Feitlebaum into the back stretch
 Dog Bisquit is now leading the pack
 Lady Avalon is second, very close
 Banana is coming up through the bunch
 (Banana coming up through the bunch)
 And Feitlebaum
 At the half Stu Chan still out in the front
 Apartment House is second with plenty of room
 Assault is passing battery
 (Assault and battery)
 Notary's Old Jack is fourth
 And in last place by ten lengths I believe it is, yes
 It is Feitlebaum around the turn heading for home
 It's Stu Chan and Dog Bisquit and Girdle in the stretch
 Flying Sylvester is third and Mother-In-Law nagging in the rear
 (Oh, oh, oh)
 And now they come down to the wire
 And it's number one and now number two
 And it's very close
 It'll either be a photo finish or an oil painting
 And now Louis speaks with the left
 And Louis is in there
 Slugging and it's a battle
 And now they are tearing hair
 There's hair all over the ring
 There's hair all over the place
 I don't know whose hair it is
 It' mine and there goes the winner