Everybody Shut Up (I Have an Erection)

Oh my god, Stacy! Did I tell you about my date with Steve last week?
 You went out with Steve? He's so cute!
 I know! He took me out to this little restaurant-
 Everybody SHUT UP!
 I have an erection
 It only happens 87 times a day
 Just stop what you're doing
 And witness penis perfection
 This is more important than what you have to say!
 Your story can wait, 'cause I am very erect
 Now let's all take a minute to watch my dick and reflect
 Your spirit's in peace, no need to call the police
 Please hold your applause
 In conclusion, your honor, in light of this new evidence, I would propose that the murderer was not my client, but... MRS. DONNOVAN!
 Everybody SHUT UP!
 I have an erection
 If Justice is blind, she's gonna miss this display
 It's hard as steel but still evaded metal detection
 This is more important than what you have to say!
 Judge, don't give me that robe, 'cause then nobody could see
 This pillar of awesome that's sticking straight out of me
 Who could argue a case with so much dick in your face?
 Please hold your applause
 Do you ever take a moment
 And look up at the stars?
 And think about your life
 And just how stupid you are
 If it makes you feel better
 I'm a fucking rock star
 WITH AN AMAZING PENIS!
 But enough about you
 Let's focus more on my crotch
 It's as tangy as whiskey
 And hits you harder than scotch
 You might not get what I'm sayin'
 So just sit back and watch
 LOOK! (GASP!) IT'S STILL MY PENIS!
 Ladies and gentlemen, as president of the United States, I must sometimes make grave decisions. I come to you today to tell you that the United States has decided to declare war on-
 SHUT UP!
 Mr. President, I have an erection!
 Here's a tricky dick that cannot be impeached
 Check out my nutsack, it could swing an election
 This is more important than your boring-ass speech!
 For one nation, indivisible under God
 We all stand together and peep my glorious rod
 'kay those guys look fun, oh wait, are they holding guns?
 Please hold your a-