Somewhere deep in the slow, eternal depths of the heavens
Drifts a planet called simply "Earth"
And among the otherwise unremarkable population of this planet are two incredible heroes
Destined to save the future from itself
Hey Ninja Brian, I made a time machine spaceship. You wanna go on it?
Yeah, okay, cool
Soaring through the galaxy, the stars and sky align
The speed of light's for pussies, we're going at the speed of Brian
Flying towards the sexual peak of history and time
Computer, set a sexy course for the sexiest year, ugh
Sixty-nine
Sixty-nine
(Sixty-nine) I've got my space suit
(Sixty-nine) And ninety pounds of space lube
Crossing through into a fuckin worm hole beyond the Milky Way
That shit's far
To a time of Earth so far in the future where everyone gets laid
Twice as hard
The noble knights of honor on a fierce and sultry butt crusade
Here we are
Open the bay doors and let's live the dream
Give the world a double team
I bet it's a billion person orgy in an ocean of whipped cream
Wait. This place isn't sexy at all
And this robot sign says human touch has been outlawed
I can't believe my eyes, but it's a world without sex
Everyone here just wears full length pants and loose fitting turtlenecks
Men and women wave to each other from a respectable distance
Without the thrill of boning, what is life?
We must speak to the Council of Dick Elders tonight
Excuse me, Dick Elders?
What do you want?
I know it's most unusual to come before you so
But the planet Earth sucks balls now that no one's allowed to bone
We've come from the past to introduce you to ass
Wait, you're Ninja Sex Party, you will ruin our plans
Guards! Sound the alarms!
If people have sex, they'll break a thousand-year spell
There'll be a revolution and they'll think for themselves
We control this planet and unsatisfied wood
Why does being evil always feel so damn good
Fuck that bullshit, we'll make it right
Get ready for a sexy fight
My dick's the spark of hope and a revolution shall ignite
Tonight!
(Hey) We're taking flight, we have to find a girl
Shoot the fucking lasers
Shoot the fucking lasers at 'em
Show them what it means to love and fix this broken world
All the fuckin lasers
All the fuckin lasers at 'em
The new sex king will rule
Let the boner banners be unfurled
Ninja Brian, look at that girl with the sad eyes and the beautiful blonde hair
I'm immediately in love
(Sixty-nine) She's spent a life all alone
(Sixty-nine) Wanna take her to the bone zone
(Sixty-nine) Make her feel the pleasure
(Sixty-nine) Of a moaning treasure
I can't belive my eyes
But you're the girl of my dreams
Let's both tear all of our clothes off like two pants hating Wolverines
The love we make will save the Earth from this oppressive dick regime
(Oh woah woah) We're having sex now
(Oh woah woah) To change the world (Woo!)
(Oh woah woah) You brought your friends now
(Oh woah woah) Oh, shit, they're girls
I think it's obvious that people liked our sexy show
A multi-billion person orgy has broken out all across the globe
The human race, much like my junk, will now be free to grow
Let's go
(Oh, woah, woah) But what about the Elders?
(Oh, woah, woah) We tore their world to shreds
(Oh, woah, woah) Maybe they'll be cool with it
(Oh, woah, woah) Oh hey, Dick Elders. How's it goin'?
You two are fucking dead
So much for that, it's time to put on pants
And run away from their Death Army which is starting to advance
Shoot the fucking lasers
Waves of fuckin' lasers at 'em
We can't die, we're way too young
And there's so many girls to bone
Shoot the fucking lasers
Wave of fuckin' lasers at 'em
But now we're cornered with our backs against the wall!
It's over, Danny Sexbang, your time has come
But first, we're gonna take care of your ninja friend here
Aaah
Goddamn, Brian, you killed them all
Now the empire will fall
I have to say, in retrospect, that was easier than I thought
Oh Yeah!
Our work here's done, the future is secure
But my girl and I have one last farewell slam just to be sure
For underneath those rockin' boobs lies a heart that is so pure
Take care of this world for me, my darling, I will always love you
What is your name by the way?
(Ooooh) Kristen?
(Ooooh) Ah, a beautiful name
(Ooooh) Well, until that glorious day when we meet again, Katie, farewell
Now let us fly into the night sky
And we'll raise a glass to ass and a final goodbye to sixty-nine
Sixty-nine
Sixty-nine
Sixty-nine
(Sixty-nine) Let us be gone
(Sixty-nine) Our quest is life-long
(Sixty-nine) It's a sexy destiny, so let's rock the fuck on
Sixty-nine
(Sixty-nine)
Fuck, yeah
Fuck, yeah