Light on My Feet

Ed, at his own memorial
 God, Lucy, what a thought!
 I thought I'd drop by
 To hear the people gushing
 'Cause after you die
 They always get you blushing
 So I've made a Thornton Wilder return
 Give me a good gushy goodbye
 'Cause even inside of an urn
 I stay light on my feet
 I stay light on my feet
 And give them that da-da-da-da
 Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da
 (Lucy, wait till you see this picture of Ed!)
 I stay light on my feet
 I stay light on my feet
 And hit 'em with shoo-bop-doo-wop
 Shoo-bop-doo-wop, shoo-bop-doo-waaaa
 (Oh my God, I gave him that tie!)
 When Dame Fortune tosses me a curve
 I never give away to despair
 I hang on with every little nerve
 Try to keep my balance as I dangle in the air
 But I land right on my feet
 I land right on my feet
 And go with that da-da-da-da
 Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da da
 (Felicia! You and Ed had so much history
 I hope we can be friends)
 (Don't you have your own friends?)
 Flat-foot floogies finish up last
 Most of them are livin' on Spam
 That's why light on my feet is what I am
 (Lehman!) (Charlie! I'm gonna miss him)
 (Yeah, I'm gonna miss him not talkin' to me)
 And give 'em that da-da-da-da
 Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da
 (Felicia! Heard about your record deal on Entertainment Tonight)
 (Mona, how sweet
 Entertainment Tonight is for people too stupid to read "People")
 And hit 'em with shoo-bop-doo-wop
 Shoo-bop-doo-wop, shoo-bop-doo-waaa
 (Where's Sophie?)
 (On that list of people Ed wasn't talking to)
 (Who isn't?)
 (So talented!)
 (He was blocked) (Me too! It's what's been holding me back for years!)
 I hang on with every little nerve
 Tryin' to keep my balance as I dangle in the air
 (My best friend. I taught him all about six-eight time
 But then I always spend too much time helping friends
 It's what's been holding me back for years)
 Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da-da
 (People say AIDS)
 (Never!) (He was straight!)
 (I know)
 Flat-foot floogies finish up last
 Most of them are livin' on Spam
 (No one who writes a hit musical is straight!)
 (That's what's been holding me back!)
 (For years?!)
 That's why light on my feet is what I am
 Time now for singing my praises
 I'm here to drink it in
 Hit me with flattering phrases
 It's gonna be sweet, gonna be sweet
 Let it begin
 (Sophie should be here)
 (Ed didn't want her!)
 (Not after that thing between them)
 (He cut her out)
 Guys, let's face it
 He - He was crazy!
 He was maddening!
 Short and bald
 But kind of sexy
 (Thank you!)
 He - He burned with ambition
 But after he made it
 He got stalled
 (Hey, guys, this is my memorial!)
 Had a list of phobias that anyone with phobias would envy
 Everything with Eddie would be on and off and on and off again
 He wasted his potential!
 He was driven
 He could charm you
 He could scold
 You could say you knew him if you knew him
 But you knew that you were guessing
 Someone who was terrified of failure
 And suspicious of success
 (Oh, I get it!
 They're just stricken with grief
 They're just stricken with grief)
 He'd be such a pussycat
 And then he'd snap!
 Leave you hanging for his goddamn nap!
 (This is beyond belief
 This is beyond belief)
 He was unfulfilled
 He was filled with doubt
 He was more than Ed could ever figure out
 And he drove us crazy!
 He enraged and he enthralled
 Scared of everything
 So neurotic and temperamental
 A hypochondriac
 After "Chorus Line"
 Something happened 'cause
 After "Chorus Line"
 Nothing happened
 After "Chorus Line"
 After "Chorus Line"
 After "Chorus Line"
 After "Chorus Line"
 After "Chorus Line"
 After "Chorus Line"
 (Stop!)