a Letter

Everybody wants a reason for everything
 It's so much easier with someone or something to blame
 I've always struggled at the root of the problem
 Has it been absence or my constant lack of defense?
 I've never spent a lot on finding a remedy
 I guess I figured that it hurts for a reason
 I guess that's why I've always turned to writing it down
 Not just in stories but the letters in between
 And I guess that's why it haunts the pages of everything
 To self-examine
 I think the thing is that I shut off from everything
 From friends and family and my own ambitions
 From having fun I just shut off from everything
 Self-defeating? Yeah, probably
 But I don't know that I had total control over it
 And I'm not sure it even matters why
 Sometimes things happen and you can't do anything
 Plus, I'm the only one who deals with it anyway
 So if everyone could do me a favor and
 Just put their fingers down
 I'd-and keep your mouths
 Sorry, I know I seem angry
 I'm not, I, I promise, I just know I did this to me
 And I will deal with it accordingly
 And I don't need opinions from those never a part of it
 Don't need them pointing out my problems, they're mine
 Don't need reminders, I know better than anyone
 And yeah, I know, I should be finding another way
 I know that I should be out seeking a substitute
 But just forgetting never really made sense to me
 So I haven't been
 
 Do I feel embarrassed about it?
 I think you know the answer to that
 I think you'd probably feel a little bit embarrassed for me
 Wouldn't you?
 I know I should've moved on ages ago, been happy already
 But it's never been that easy for me
 Or maybe it was me that made it so hard
 I know I've only ever tried a handful of times
 To sever this thing torturing me
 It never got me anywhere, with anyone
 No friendship or hobby, no lover's bed worked
 But looking back I maybe never tried hard enough
 And it is my fault
 Maybe I never tried at all