Dick

Dick was obsessed with his dick.
 He would beat off at least three times a day
 In the morning, when he woke up
 Right after or right before dinner
 Or right before he went to sleep
 If he didn't get in his three daily beat-off sessions
 He was a pain in the ass to be around
 He jerked off to TV
 Especially I Dream of Jeannie and Dynasty and Charlie's Angels
 He pulled his pud to porno books
 He even jerked off to the underwear ads
 In the magazine section of the Sunday New York Times
 If you were a girl, talking to him on the phone
 Chances are he was beating his meat to the sound of your voice
 'Cause coming was his raison d'etre
 One time he was in the middle of jerking off to Vanna White on Wheel of Fortune
 When a job offer came to him over the phone
 And he needed the job bad
 But he told the man he'd call him right back
 'Cause he needed to come more than he needed the job
 It wasn't that he was ugly or afraid of women or anything like that
 He just honestly preferred his right hand
 I saw him the other day
 And he told me that last Friday he was with two girls at their place
 And they both wanted him to stay over
 But he went home
 Called up another girl
 And jacked off while talking to her
 I don't know why he tells me this stuff
 Dick's a fucked up guy