Texan Book of the Dead

So you say you want to go to Heaven
 Well I got the plans
 It walks like the Sasquatch
 And it breeds like Kubla Khan
 In original dialect
 It's really quite cryptical
 There are many copies around
 But this, my man, is the original, yeah
 It's given me powers
 But kept me low
 Many have scorned this
 Modern day Pharisees, fat with espressos
 Be leary of Timothy
 Clear light and all that
 If you want light go stare at the sun
 Hell, that boy don't know crap
 If you want to know Paradise
 And you want to know Hell
 Want to drink that cool clear liquor
 Better dig a little deeper in the well, my friend
 If you want to know Paradise
 And you want to know Hell
 Want to drink that cool clear liquor
 Better dig a little deeper in the well, my friend
 You want a mantra?
 You want to know?
 You want that mantra?
 Well here you go
 One for the money
 Two for the show
 And a knickknackpaddywack
 Give a dog a handjob
 Ooeeooahahtwingtwangwallawallabingbang
 Ooeeooahahtwingtwangwallawallabingbang, oh yeah
 Ooeeooahah, B-I-N-G-O
 Ooeeooahah E-I-E-I-O
 Still want that mantra?
 Still want to know?
 Still want that mantra?
 Well here you go
 It is written
 God has spoken
 So put this in your pipe and smoke it
 Ooeeooahahtwingtwangwallawallabingbang
 Ooeeooahahtwingtwangwallawallabingbang, oh yeah
 Ooeeooahah, B-I-N-G-O
 Ooeeooahah E-I-E-I-O