Sheriff Fatman

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you - Sheriff Fatman!
 Now Sheriff Fatman started out in business
 As a granny farmer
 He was infamous for fifteen minutes
 And he appeared on Panorama
 Then he somehow got himself on board
 The Starship Enterprise Allowance Scheme
 With a Prince of Wales award
 For pushing Valium and amphetamines
 Moving up on second base
 Behind Nicholas Van Wotsisface
 At six foot six and a hundred tons
 The undisputed king of the slums
 With more aliases than Klaus Barbie
 The master butcher of Leigh-on-Sea
 Just about to take the stage
 The one and only
 Hold the front page!
 Fatman's got something to sell
 To the capital's homeless
 At The Crossroads Motel
 For the no-fixed-abodeless
 Where you can live life in style
 You can sleep in a closet
 And if you flash him a smile
 He'll take your teeth as deposit
 There's bats in the belfry
 The windows are jammed
 The toilets ain't healthy
 And he don't give a damn
 He just chuckles and smiles
 And laughs like a madman,
 A born again Rachman
 Here comes Sheriff Fatman
 With his Valium, amphetamines
 His sick notes and his phony prescriptions
 And just when you thought it was safe
 To go back to the kitchen,
 Dead legs and cracked heads
 Bunk-beds and breakfasts
 Wake up you sleepy headcases... check this...
 Moving up on second base
 Behind Nicholas Van Wotsisface
 At six foot six and a hundred tons
 The undisputed king of the slums
 With more aliases than Klaus Barbie
 The master butcher of Leigh-on-Sea
 Just about to take the stage
 The one and only -
 Hold the front page!
 Moving up now to take the place
 Behind Nicholas Van Wotsisface
 At six foot six and a hundred tons
 The undisputed king of the slums
 With more aliases than Klaus Barbie
 The master butcher of Leigh-on-Sea
 In a hatchback from Notre Dame,
 The one and only - Sheriff Fatman!
 In goes another left hook
 And now I'm losing my patience
 Someone call up Roger Cook and The United Nations
 He's buying up houses for the has-beens and healthy
 From Lands End to Southend and Chelsea
 There's bats in the belfry
 The windows are jammed
 The toilets ain't healthy
 He don't give a damn
 He just chuckles and smiles
 And laughs like a madman
 Ladies and gentlemen,
 I give you...
 SHERIFF FATMAN!