Wolf Creek Pass

Me an' Earl was haulin' chickens
 On the flatbed out of Wiggins
 And we'd spent all night
 On the uphill side
 Of thirty-seven miles of Hell
 Called Wolf Creek Pass
 Which is up on the Great Divide
 We was settin' there suckin' toothpicks
 An' drinkin' Nehis and onion soup mix
 And I says: "Earl, let's mail a card to mother
 And then send them chickens
 On down to the other side
 Yeah, let's give 'em a ride"
 Wolf Creek Pass
 Way up on the Great Divide
 Truckin' on down the other side
 Well, Earl put down his bottle
 Mashed his foot down on the throttle
 And then a couple a boobs
 With a thousand cubes
 Within a nineteen-forty-eight Peterbilt
 Screamed to life
 We woke up the chickens
 We roared up offa that shoulder
 Sprayin' pine cones, rocks, and boulders
 And put four hundred head
 Of them Rhode Island Reds
 And a couple a' burnt-out roosters on the line
 Look out below
 'Cause here we go!
 Wolf Creek Pass
 Way up on the Great Divide
 Truckin' on down the other side
 Well, we commenced ta truckin'
 And them hens commenced ta cluckin'
 And then Earl took out a match
 And scratched his pants
 And lit up the unused half of a dollar cigar
 And took a puff
 Says: "My, ain't this pretty up here?!"
 I says: "Earl, this hill can spill us
 You better slow down
 Or you gonna kill us"
 "Just make one mistake
 And it's the Pearly Gates
 For them eighty-five crates
 Of USDA-approved cluckers
 You wanna hit second?"
 Wolf Creek Pass
 Way up on the Great Divide
 Truckin' on down the other side
 Well, Earl grabbed on the shifter
 And he stabbed her into fifth gear
 And then the chromium-plated
 Fully-illuminated
 Genuine accessory shift knob
 Come right off in his hand
 I says: "You wanna screw that thing back on, Earl?"
 He was tryin' to thread it on there
 When the fire fell offa his cigar
 And dropped on down
 Sorta rolled around
 And then lit in the cuff of Earl's pants
 And burned a hole in his sock
 Yeah, sorta set him right on fire
 I looked on outta the window
 And I started countin' phone poles
 Goin' by at the rate of four to the seventh power
 Well I put two and two together
 And added twelve and carried five
 And come up with twenty-two thousand
 Telephone poles an hour
 I looked at Earl and his eyes was wide
 His lip was curled
 And his leg was fried
 And his hand was froze to the wheel
 Like a tongue to a sled
 In the middle of a blizzard
 I says: Earl, "I'm not the type to complain
 But the time has come for me to explain
 That if you don't apply some brake real soon
 They're gonna have to pick us up
 With a stick and a spoon"
 Well, Earl reared back
 And cocked his leg
 Stepped down as hard as he could on the brake
 And the pedal went clear to the floor
 And stayed right there on the floor
 And he says it was sorta like steppin' on a plum
 Well, from there on down
 It just wasn't real pretty
 It was hairpin county
 And switchback city
 One of 'em looked like a can fulla worms
 Another one looked like malaria germs
 Right in the middle of the whole damn show
 Was a real nice tunnel
 Now wouldn't you know?
 Sign says clearance to the twelve-foot line
 But the chickens was stacked to thirteen-nine
 Well we shot that tunnel at a hundred-and-ten
 Like gas through a funnel and eggs through a hen
 We took that top row of chickens off
 Slicker than scum off a Louisiana swamp
 Went down and around and around and down
 We run outta ground at the edge of town
 Bashed into the side of a feed store
 In downtown Pagosa Springs
 Wolf Creek Pass
 Way up on the Great Divide
 Truckin' on down the other side
 Wolf Creek Pass
 Way up on the Great Divide
 Truckin' on down the other side