I was sittin' in Friday's suckin' on a glass of wine
When in walked a chick who almost struck me blind
She had wet blue eyes and her legs were long and fine
On a scale of one to ten, I'd give her a nine
Now on my scale there ain't no ten's, you know
Nine is about as far as any chick can go
So I flashed her a smile, but she didn't even look at me
So for brains and good judgement, I'd give her a three
I said, "Hey sweet thing, you look like a possible eight
You and me could make eighteen, if your head's on straight
Well she looked up and down my perfect frame
And she said these words that burned in my perfect brain
She said, "Well, another one of those macho-matician men
The kind to grade all women on scales of one to ten
And, you gave me an eight, well, that's a generous thing to do
Now, let's just see, just how much I give you"
She said, "You comin' on to me with that corny numbers jive
And your style makes me smile, I give it a five
When you walked up I noticed that suit you wore
It's last year's double-knit frayed-cuffs, give that a four"
"That must be your car parked out on the curb
That sixty-nine homemade convertible, a three and a third
Now, as for that build, I guess you're less than five
Except, for your pot belly, I'd give that a ten for size"
"Now that wine you're pourin' might be fine to you
But I'm used to fine Champagne, I give it a two
And it's hard to tell what your flashin' smile is worth
I give it a six, you could use a little dental work"
"But, it's your struttin' rooster act that really makes me laugh
It may be a ten to these country hens, but to me just three and a half
And there really ain't much to add once the subtractin's done
And since there ain't no zeroes, I give you a one"
Well she walked out, while up and down the line
The whole bar was laughin', said, "Hey Bare, what happened to your nine?"
Nine says, "Ah hell, soon as she started talkin' I knew
Sure didn't have no class, I barely gave her a two"
Yeah! No matter how good they look at first
There's flaws in all of them
That's why on a scale of ten to one, friend
There ain't no tens