A Million Ways To Die

Cowboys and pioneers
 Come lend your eyes and ears
 I've got the need to testify
 Don't try to build your nest
 Out in the open West
 'Cause there's a million ways to die
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 Six bullets in the gut
 Or just a papercut
 Too many ways to quantify
 They'll cut your ankle off
 To cure a minor cough
 'Cause there's a million ways to die
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 (A million ways to die)
 It's a hundred and one
 In the shade or the sun
 If you fall asleep you fry
 (A million ways to die)
 You can live like a saint
 But there just really ain't
 No avoidin' a million ways to die
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 Small pox and bigger pox
 And deadly tomahawks
 Or God forbid, you steal a pie
 They'll blast you into shards
 For playin' good at cards
 'Cause there's a million ways to die
 
 Out on the desert plains
 It hardly ever rains
 And you can hear coyotes cry
 They'll eat you up and then
 They'll shit you out again
 'Cause there's a million ways to die
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 (A million ways to die)
 With a whoosh and a whack
 There's a knife in your back
 'Cause you got a fancy tie
 (A million ways to die)
 It's a kick in the pants
 But you don't have a chance
 Of escapin' a million ways to die
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 A million ways to die