A Major Award

Look! Read it!
 "Congratulations! You have won a major award
 In our fifty-thousand-dollar 'Great Figures of American Literature' contest!
 It will arrive by special messenger tonight!
 Congratulations! You are a winner!"
 The time has come
 The day is here
 The truth is written
 Clean and clear
 I nearly started losing hope
 But then
 I opened up that envelope
 Here's the proof I'm someone
 I'm someone very wise
 When you're this astute
 You get saluted with a prize
 "You are a winner"
 Those are the glowing words they wrote
 It's typed right in their note
 But, a winner of what?
 Don't you see?
 It could be a bowling alley
 Wouldn't that be nice?
 A bowling alley?
 This award is major
 They're not skimping due to price
 A weekend getaway, maybe Paris with your spouse
 An adobe-style house
 But how could they deliver a house?
 Well, they could deliver a deed, for Crissake!
 Oh, Mr. Parker
 Who would believe
 The grandeur of the gift that you're about to receive?
 I won a major award!
 I won a major award
 Who won? I won!
 It's me! I see!
 Well, gee
 I won a major award
 Oh my god, it's here!
 Frank Parker?
 Yeah
 Sign here
 Okay, haul it in
 What is it?
 Well
 What is it?
 I don't know
 Crowbar. Get me a crowbar
 And a hammer, get me a hammer!
 Careful, dear
 Look what it says on the side
 "Fra-gi-le"
 Must be Italian
 I won an Italian prize!
 Fra-gi-le!
 I think that says "fragile", honey
 Fra-? Oh, yeah
 Without a word, the old man worked in supercharged haste
 And laid bare his hard-won symbol of victory
 At last, he reached down
 And held aloft his prize!
 What is it?
 A leg!
 But-
 What is it?
 Well, it's a - it's a leg!
 Like a statue!
 A statue?
 Wait a minute, wait a minute
 There's something else in this box
 What?
 Holy smoke, do you know what this is?
 It's a lamp!
 This is exactly what we need for the front window!
 The snap of a few sparks
 A quick whiff of ozone
 And the lamp blazed forth in unparalleled glory!
 Ain't that something?
 It's... something, all right
 I want to see what it looks like from outside!
 Shut up, you stupid hounds
 I'm an M-A-W
 Major Award Winner
 Heh, heh, heh
 The lamp, to my mother's consternation
 Could be seen up and down Cleveland Street
 The symbol of the old man's victory
 Eventually, the entire neighborhood would be involved
 What on earth is that?
 Is what?
 That window! Such a glow
 Oh! It's a big-time honor
 An award!
 I'd never know
 To win, you gotta be a real puzzle-solving champ
 It looks just like a lamp
 It is a lamp, you nincompoop
 Hey! Who are you calling a nincompoop? (Don't you see?)
 That there's a statue
 A fine work of art
 The kind they only dole out to the extra-super-smart
 Friends! It's a major award
 I won a major award
 Yes! It's a grand-slam
 Big, fat
 Wham-bam
 Take that!
 Award
 Hey, don't you see my award?
 I won a major award
 Who won? He won?
 It's he
 I see
 Well, gee! He won a major award
 It's a trophy he can cherish
 What a beauty
 Oh, it's garish
 It's astounding
 It's dramatic
 I would keep it in the attic!
 Like a David, standing statuesque
 If the David also did burlesque
 He's a winner, that's for certain
 Maybe we could close the curtain?
 For a window, slightly overboard
 Don't you get it?
 Ladies, it's a major award!
 A major award?
 A major award!
 A major award?
 A major award!
 Frank Parker did it
 How remarkably grand
 Frank Parker did it
 Now the world will understand
 I'm the genius on Cleveland Street
 The taste of victory is so sweet
 Now watch the epic night
 This little light of mine
 Let it shine
 ♪
 The genius on Cleveland Street
 How can that compete?
 With a downstage
 Big brass
 Hahaha!
 Front page
 First class
 Woo!
 Clear-cut
 Red-hot
 Look what I got!
 Award
 Award
 He won a major award (Won an amazing award for being so bright)
 He won a major award (Get released like a star that lights up the night)
 Yes, it's a true scholastic
 Careful! It's plastic
 Award
 Hey, did you see his award? (Who'd have guessed he got every answer correct?)
 Frank won a major award (So impressed, it's a man you gotta respect)
 Who won? He won
 It's me! I see
 Well, gee, blimey!
 That prize (Oy vey)
 Is it true his IQ is two hundred and three?
 Probably
 He won a major award
 I won a major award
 He won a major award
 I won a major award
 He won a major award