The Goods

Take a look at this girl
 That's everything I like
 She got the face, she got the waist
 She got the legs
 Naw, her tits are too big
 What are you, crazy?
 Bodacious funbags are a must!
 They gotta be C or D or better
 They gotta post a threat to the sweater - ow!
 She got the goods!
 That's an eight or nine at least
 She got the goods
 Let me see that
 She has some irredeemable flaws. I give her a six
 Ah - now there's a ten!
 You call that a ten?
 Based on the booty
 What do you mean? It's huge
 She got a butt like a battleship!
 I don't need to look above the hip
 She got that shelf kinda ass
 You could display your tchotchkes
 Your collectibles on there
 Baby got back. That's a fact
 You could park a wide-track Pontiac in that crack
 Now that's the goods
 The bigger the cushion -
 She's got a sofa-bed back there!
 Well we just better hope the women are more forgiving than we are
 What is that supposed to mean?
 If they're looking at us Sunday night
 The way we're usually looking at them
 We're in trouble
 Take a look at that opie-looking jerk with the pigeon chest!
 And I give that fat guy's ass a two
 But I wish I had such voluptous breasts
 And what about old Father Time over there?
 Yeah, sure he can dance
 But I didn't pay twenty bucks to look at
 Red Foxx skip around in a pair of blue underpants
 That ain't the goods
 What happens when they say that?
 This is not the goods!
 He's fat, he's old, he's skinny, he's bald
 He's short
 He's got pimples on his ass
 He's fat, he's old, he's skinny, he's bald
 He's short
 He's got pimples on his ass
 He's fat, he's old, he's skinny, he's bald
 He's short
 He's got pimples on his ass
 He's fat, he's old, he's skinny, he's
 Women can be lovers
 Women can be pals
 Women can be modern types
 Or sweet old-fashioned gals
 Women can be angels on earth
 But then again
 Holy goddamn fucking shit
 Women can be men
 He's fat, he's old, he's skinny
 He's bald, he's short
 He's fat, he's old, he's skinny
 He's bald, he's short
 I've got pimples (He's got pimples)
 All over my ass! (All over his ass)
 Look at it! Jesus!
 That ain't the goods
 I feel extremely insecure
 All of a sudden (That ain't the goods)
 What am I doin' here?
 What am I doin' here? (That ain't the goods)
 What am I doin' here?
 What the hell am I doing here?
 What am I doin' here? (He's fat, he's old, he's skinny)
 What the hell am I doin' here? (He's bald, he's short, he's got pimples on his ass)
 What am I doin' here? (He's fat, he's old, he's skinny)
 What the hell am I doin' here? (He's bald, he's short, he's got pimples on his ass)
 What am I doin' here? (He's fat, he's old, he's skinny)
 What the hell am I doin' here? (He's bald, he's short, he's got pimples on his ass)
 What am I doin' here? (He's fat, he's old, he's skinny)
 What the hell am I doin' here? (He's bald, he's short, he's got pimples on his ass)
 (That ain't the goods) What am I doin' here? (He's fat, he's old, he's skinny)
 What the hell am I doin' here? (He's bald, he's short, he's got pimples on his ass)
 (That ain't the goods) What am I doin' here? (He's fat, he's old, he's skinny)
 What the hell am I doin' here? (He's bald, he's short, he's got pimples on his ass)
 What am I doin' here? (He's fat, he's old, he's skinny)
 What the hell am I doin' here? (He's bald, he's short, he's got pimples on his ass)