You Can Call Me Al

A man walks down the street
 He says, "Why am I soft in the middle, now?
 Why am I soft in the middle now?
 The rest of my life is so hard
 I need a photo-opportunity
 I want a shot at redemption
 Don't want to end up a cartoon
 In a cartoon graveyard
 Bonedigger, Bonedigger
 Dogs in the moonlight
 Far away in my well-lit door
 Mr. Beerbelly, Beerbelly
 Get these mutts away from me
 You know, I don't find this stuff amusing anymore
 If you'll be my bodyguard
 I can be your long lost pal
 I can call you Betty
 Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al
 A man walks down the street
 He says, "Why am I short of attention?
 Got a short little span of attention
 Whoa, my nights are so long
 Where's my wife and family?
 What if I die here?
 Who'll be my role model
 Now that my role model is gone, He gone?"
 He ducked back down the alley
 With some roly-poly little bat-faced girl
 All along, along
 There were incidents and accidents
 There were hints and allegations
 If you'll be my bodyguard
 I can be your long lost pal
 I can call you Betty
 Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al
 Call me Al
 If you'll be my bodyguard
 I can be your long lost pal
 I can call you Betty
 Betty, You can call me Al
 If you'll be my bodyguard
 I can be your long lost pal
 I can call you Betty
 Betty when You call me, you can call me Al
 You can call me Al
 A man walks down the street
 He says, "Why am I soft in the middle, now?
 Why am I soft in the middle now?
 Rest of my life is so hard