Uneasy Rider

I was takin' a trip out to L.A.
 Toolin' along in my Cheverolet
 Tokin' on a number and diggin' on the radio
 Just as I crossed the Mississippi line
 I heard that highway start to whine
 And I knew that left rear tire was about to blow
 Well the spare was flat and I got uptight
 'Cause there wasn't a filling station in sight
 So I just limped on down the shoulder on the rim
 I went as far as I could and when I stopped the car
 It was right in front of this little bar
 Kind of a red-neck lookin' joint called the "Dew Drop Inn"
 Well I stuffed my hair up under my hat
 And told the bartender that I had a flat
 And would he be kind enough to give me change for a one
 Well there was one thing I was sure proud to see
 There wasn't a soul in the place except for him and me
 And he just looked disgusted and pointed toward the telephone
 I called up the station down the road a ways
 And he said he wasn't very busy today
 And he could have somone out there in just about ten minutes or so
 He said, "Now, you just stay right where yer at!"
 And I didn't bother to tell the darn fool
 That I sure as hell didn't have anyplace else to go
 I just ordered up a beer and sat down at the bar
 When some guy walked in and said, "Who owns this car
 With the peace sign, the mag wheels and four on the floor?"
 Well he looked at me and I damn near died
 And I decided that I'd just wait outside
 So I laid a dollar on the bar and headed for the door
 Just when I thought I'd get outta there with my skin
 These five big dudes come strollin' in
 With one old drunk chick and some fella with green teeth
 And I was almost to the door when the biggest one
 Said, "You tip your hat to this lady, son"
 And when I did all that, hair fell out from underneath
 Now the last thing I wanted was to get into a fight
 In Jackson, Mississippi on a Saturday night
 Especially when there was three of them and only one of me
 They all started laughin' and I felt kinda sick
 And I knew I better think of something pretty quick
 So I just reached out and kicked old green teeth right in the knee
 Now he let out a yell that'd curl yer hair
 But before he could move, I grabbed me a chair
 And said, "Watch him folks 'cause he's a thoroughly dangerous man!"
 "Well you may not know it but this man is a spy
 He's a undercover agent for the FBI
 And he's been sent down here to infiltrate the Ku Klux Klan!"
 He was still bent over holdin' on to his knee
 But everybody else was looking and listening to me
 And I laid it on thicker and heavier as I went
 I said, "Would you believe this man has gone as far
 As tearing Wallace stickers off the bumpers of cars
 And he voted for George McGovern for President"
 "But he's a friend of them long haired, hippy-type, pinko fags!
 I betchya he's even got a commie flag
 Tacked up on the wall inside of his garage"
 "He's a snake in the grass, I tell ya guys
 He may look dumb but that's just a disguise
 He's a mastermind in the ways of espionage"
 They all started lookin' real suspicious at him
 He jumped up and said, "Now just wait a minute Jim!
 You know he's lying, I been living here all of my life!"
 "I'm a faithful follower of Brother John Birch
 And I belong to the Antioch Baptist Church
 And I ain't even got a garage, you can call home and ask my wife!"
 Then he started saying somethin' 'bout the way I was dressed
 But I didn't wait around to hear the rest
 I was too busy moving and hoping I didn't run outta luck
 When I hit the ground, I was making tracks
 And they were just taking my car down off the jacks
 So I threw the man a 20 and jumped in and fired that mother up
 Mario Andretti would'a sure been proud
 Of the way I was movin' when I passed that crowd
 Coming out the door and headed toward me at a trot
 Now I guess I should have gone ahead and run
 But somehow I just couldn't resist the fun
 Of chasing them all just once around the parking lot
 Well they headed for their car, but I hit the gas
 And spun around and headed them off at the pass
 I was slingin' gravel and puttin' a ton of dust in the air
 I had them all out there steppin' and fetchin'
 Like their heads was on fire and their asses was catchin'
 But I figured I had better go
 And split before the cops got there
 When I hit the road, I was really wheelin'
 Had gravel flyin' and rubber squeelin'
 And I didn't slow down 'til I was almost to Arkansas
 Well I think I'm gonna reroute my trip
 I wonder if anybody'd think I'd flipped
 If I went to L.A., via Omaha