Lion

"Howdy, folks. This next song is a story of a gal who just
 couldn't choose between two fellers. One was about the nicest
 guy you ever met, and the other one, well, he's kind of a
 dick. Let's listen in as these boys settle it the only way
 they know how; through singing. And a 1, and a 2... "
 Make a choice, will it be
 A guy who really, really loves you baby, baby
 Or a guy like me?
 I would comfort you when you're sad
 Well, I would just leave you crying
 I would protect you if a lion attacked you
 Not trying to fuck with no lion
 I would fight a man for your honor
 I don't know no kung fu
 I'd carry you across a muddy field
 Bitch, these Jordans are new
 Make a choice, will it be
 A guy who really, really loves you baby, baby
 Or a guy like me?
 I would read you romantic poetry
 I'll leave that shit on the shelf
 My love making would be sweet and tender
 This thing ain't sucking itself, no
 I would take you to the finest restaurants
 Here's an old Baby Ruth
 I would tell you how pretty you look tonight
 And I would tell you the truth
 Make a choice, will it be
 A guy who really, really loves you baby, baby
 Or a guy like me?
 But ba-by, baby
 The choice is up to you
 So pick me quickly
 'Cause I've got shit to do
 It's true dear, I do dear
 I want you to be mine
 But let's be clear here
 I'm still not fighting no lion...
 "Let's see what happens next...
 Every day I'd say how much I love you
 ... I would not
 I'd surprise you with gifts and flowers
 I'd spend your money on pot, yeah
 We would stay up all night just talking
 I'd fall asleep when I came
 I'd spell your name out with a thousand rose petals
 I don't remember your name!
 Make a choice - will it be
 A guy who really, really loves you baby, baby
 Or a guy like me?
 Make a choice - will it be
 A guy who really, really loves you baby, baby
 Or a guy like me?
 "See? I told you he was kind of a dick."