Slap & Tickle

(difford/tilbrook)
 She was frigid like a bible
 When she met her boyfriend michael
 He took her in his zephyr
 They sat like salt and pepper
 Looking out across the city
 From lover's leap is pretty
 The lights they flick and flutter
 He told her how he loved her
 Next night he called for her
 But dad protected daughter
 And told him she was poorly
 A lie was told there surely
 So michael felt rejected
 This wasn't quite expected
 He drove off to his local
 Where he felt anti-social
 She cried all night at missing
 The boy she could be kissing
 While he was falling over
 He drunk himself back sober
 And went home in a taxi
 And crashed out in the back seat
 He slept just like a baby
 Which he hadn't done just lately
 He saw her in the morning
 Out with his sister pauline
 She felt all shy and soppy
 He acted cool and cocky
 He said tonight at charlie's
 There's going to be a party
 I'll meet you at half seven
 She visualised the heaven
 If you ever change your mind
 Which you do from time to time
 Never chew a pickle
 With a little slap and tickle
 You have to throw the stone
 To get the pool to ripple
 That night they danced together
 It looked like love forever
 He put his hand on her leg
 You should have heard what she said
 He tried again much later
 It seemed to aggravate her
 He drove home in silence
 Avoiding all violence
 She said let's watch the city
 From lover's leap is pretty
 I think I need the fresh air
 She put a comb through her hair
 Then while she turned to kiss him
 And very nearly missed him
 She put her hand on his leg
 He felt her tongue in his head
 If you ever change your mind
 Which you do from time to time
 Never chew a pickle
 With a little slap and tickle
 You have to throw the stone
 To get the pool to ripple