When you come home to me
I'll wear a sweeter smile
And hope that for awhile you'll
Ok. Thank you. Thank you so much.
I'm climbing uphill, Daddy, climbing uphill.
I'm up every morning at six
And standing in line with two hundred girls
Who are younger and thinner than me,
Who have already been to the gym.
I'm waiting five hours in line
And watching the girls who are coming and going
In dresses that look just like this,
'Til my number is finally called.
When I walk in the room, there's a table of men,
Always men, usually gay
Who have been sitting like I have a listening all day
To two hundreds girls, belting as high as they can.
I am a good person,
I'm an attractive person,
I am a talented person,
Grant me grace.
When you come home -
I should have told them I was sick last week,
They'e gonna think this is the way I sing.
Why is the pianist playing so loud?
Should I sing louder?
I'll sing louder.
Maybe I should stop and start over?
I'm gonna stop and start over.
Why is the director staring at his crotch?
Why is that man staring at my resume?
Don't stare at my resume.
I made up half my resume.
Look at me, stop looking at that, look at me!
No, not at my shoes, don't look at my shoes,
I hate these fucking shoes!
Why did I pick these shoes?
Why did I pick this song?
Why did I pick this career?
Whyyyyyyyyyyy does this pianist hate me?
If I don't get a call-back I can go to Crate and Barrel
with Mom and buy a couch,
Not that I want to spend a day with Mom,
But Jamie needs his space to write
Since I'm obviously such a horrible, annoying distraction to him.
What's he gonna be like when we have kids?
And once again,
Why am I working so hard?
These are the people who cat Linda Blair in a musical.
Jesus Christ, I suck, I suck, I suck,
I suuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
When finally you come home to -
Ok. Thank you. Thank you so much.
I will not be the girl stuck at home in the 'burbs
With the baby, the dog and the garden of herbs.
I will not be the girl in the sensible shoes
Pushing burgers and beer nuts and missing the clues.
I will not be the girl who gets asked how it feels
To be trotting along at the genius's heels.
I will not be the girl who requires a man to get byyyyyyyy!
And I -
When you come home to me,
I'll wear a sweeter smiiiiiile!