Courtin' in the Kitchen

Come single belle and beau, to me now pay attention
 Don't ever fall in love, it's the devil's own invention
 For once I fell in love with a maiden so bewitchin'
 Miss Henrietta Bell, out of Captain Kelly's kitchen
 To my toora loora la, my toora loora laddy
 Me toora loora la, me toora loora laddy.
 At the age of seventeen, I was 'prenticed to a grocer
 Not far from Stephen's Green, where Miss Henry used to go, sir
 Her manners were sublime, she set me heart a-twitchin'
 She invited me to a hooley in the kitchen.
 To my toora loora la, my toora loora laddy
 Me toora loora la, toora loora laddy.
 Next Sunday bein' the day we were to have the flare-up
 I dressed myself quite gay, an' I frizzed and oiled my hair up
 The Captain had no wife, he had gone out a-fishin'
 So we kicked up high life, down below-stairs in the kitchen.
 To my toora loora la, my toora loora laddy
 Me toora loora la, toora loora laddy.
 Just as the clock struck six we sat down to the table
 She handed tea and cakes --- I ate while I was able,
 I drank hot punch and tea, till my side had got a stitch in
 And the hours pass quick away, when courtin' in the kitchen.
 To my toora loora la, my toora loora laddy
 Me toora loora la, toora loora laddy.
 With my arms around her waist, she slyly hinted marriage
 To the door in dreadful haste came Captain Kelly's carriage!
 Her eyes soon filled with hate and poison she was spittin'
 When the captain at the door, walked right into the kitchen
 To my toora loora la, my toora loora laddy
 Me toora loora la, toora loora laddy.
 She flew up off my knees, full five feet up or higher
 And over heads and heels, threw me slap into the fire
 My new Repealers coat, that I'd bought from Mrs. Stichen
 With a thirty-shilling note, went to blazes in the kitchen.
 To my toora loora la, my toora loora laddy
 Me toora loora la, toora loora laddy.
 I grieved to see my duds, all smeared with smoke and ashes
 When a tub of dirty suds, right in my face she dashes.
 As I lay on the floor, and the water she kept pitchin'
 Till the footman broke the door, and marched into the kitchen.
 To my toora loora la, my toora loora laddy
 Me toora loora la, toora loora laddy.
 When the Captain came downstairs, though and saw my situation
 In spite of all my prayers I was marched off to the station
 For me they'd take no bail, tho' to get home I was itchin'
 And I had to tell the tale of how I got in the kitchen.
 To my toora loora la, my toora loora laddy
 Me toora loora la, toora loora laddy.
 I said she did invite me, but she gave a flat denial
 For assault she did indict me, and I was sent for trial.
 She swore I robbed the house, in spite of all her screechin'
 And I got six months hard, for my coortin' in the kitchen.
 To my toora loora la, my toora loora laddy
 Me toora loora la, toora loora laddy.