Roxanne's Revenge (Re-Recorded / Remastered)

("Roxanne, feel it!"
 "A world premiere...")
 Well, my name is Roxanne, a-don't ya know
 I just a-cold rock a party, and I do this show
 A-let me tell you and explain them all to you:
 I said I met these three guys, and you know that's true
 I met this dude with the name of a hat
 I didn't even walk away, I didn't give him no rap
 But then he got real mad, and he got a little tired
 If he worked for me, you know he would be fired
 His name is Kangol, and that is cute
 He ain't got money, and he ain't got the loot
 And every time that I see him, he's always a-beggin'
 And all the other girls that he's always tryin' to leggin'
 But, see, compared to me it's weak compared to mine
 Every time that he sees me, he says a rhyme
 A-every time I know that I am sayin' somethin' fresher
 And every time that I say it there ain't nothin' less
 In any category I'm considered the best
 And everybody knows I will win the contest
 So, then, after that came the Educated Rapper
 His fingers started snappin', and my hands start to clappin'
 Every time-a that I see him, everything he say
 A-every time he says, he says it dumber this way:
 He said-a, "Yeah, you know your mother's name is Mary,"
 But all he wanna do is just-a bust a cherry
 Every time that I see him, he's sayin' somethin' new
 But let me explain to him what he should do:
 He should be like me, a fly MC
 Don't never have to bite, we're always right
 I have the freshest rhymes that I do recite
 And after that, and you know it's true
 He ain't really cute, and he ain't great
 Well, let me tell you somethin' else about the Doctor, too:
 He don't even know how to operate
 He came up to me with some bullshit rap
 But let me tell you somethin' 'cause you know it was wack
 So when he came up to me, I told him to step back
 He said, "You call yourself an MC?" I said, "This is true,"
 He said, "Explain to me really what MCs must do."
 I said, "Listen very close 'cause I don't say this every day:
 My name is Roxanne, and they call me Shantty."
 But every time-a I say a rhyme-a just-a like-a this-a
 It's something that you MCs just won't-a miss-a
 But, see, you said it in a language so you wouldn't have to bite
 And if you think it's cute-a, and you think it's all right
 You started talkin' Pig Latin, didn't make no sense
 You thought you was cute, yeah, you thought you was a prince
 You're walkin' down the block, holdin' your jock
 But everybody knows that you're all on my yacht
 I'm just the devastatin', always rockin', always have the niggas clockin'
 Everybody knows it's me, yeah, the R-O-X-A-N-N-E, yeah
 Down with everybody fresh and everyone that I possess
 And every time I do it right-a, everyone is sure to bite-a
 Rockin' on the beat-a that you can see
 And every time I have a DJ like Ice
 Every time I do it, yeah, you know it is-a me-a
 Because a-everything he does is off-the-wall
 He ain't right, yeah, he ain't nice
 The way he gets on the tables, yes
 Compared to my man Marley Marl
 So, the UTFO crew, you know what you can do
 Everyone knows that he is fresh
 Every time you sayin' somethin' just-a like-a this-a
 Lemme tell you one for me, and then I'll tell you one for you
 And if you're thinkin' that I'm bitin' your beat
 Well, then you just better know, and a-listen to me
 It ain't nothin' that I don't wanna miss-a
 Because my name is Roxanne-a, and I came to say
 I'm rockin' to the beat-a, and I do it every day
 I'm conceited, never beated, never heard of defeated
 I'm rockin' to the beat-a, and you know it is-a me-a:
 The R-O-X-A-N-N-E-A
 And if you wanna play a little game for me
 Lemme show you what you can do, baby
 I have all the niggas droppin' down like this
 'Cause with a twist of my cheek, and a twist of my wrist
 Yeah, I am fly but don't take this
 And everybody knows I don't go for it
 So, if you're tryin' to be cute and you're tryin' to be fine
 You need to cut it out 'cause it's all in your mind
 You think you are God, but you do eat lard
 Tryin' to be like me, yeah, is very hard
 Tryin' to be cute, and you're tryin' to be fly
 Don't you know you wish you could be my guy?
 So I can take you home, make you relax
 And everybody knows that you're out there, tryin' to tax
 Like corn-on-the-cob, you're always tryin' to rob
 You need to be out there, get yourself a job
 Yeah, you're tryin' to be in search of a Roxanne
 But lemme let ya know--you're not a real man
 'Cause a Roxanne needs a man, and yes:
 Someone, yeah, who will never fess
 Someone fresh who always address
 And then I'll say, yeah, the rest
 'Cause everybody knows how the story goes
 There's no ifs, no ands, no buts, or suppose
 No coke up your nose, no dope in your vein
 And then it won't cause no kind of pain
 I ask you a question, I wanna know why:
 But yet, and still, you're tryin' to be fly
 The R-O-X-A-N-N-E?
 Why'd ya have to make a record 'bout me?
 ("Roxanne, Roxanne, Oh, my goodness! I wanna be your man!
 Roxanne, Roxanne
 And here's our game-plan!")