Play Your Cards Wrong - Live

if you play your cards wrong
 you can take me home tonight
 you've got all the makings
 of my future ex-wife
 i've got 3 bucks
 my credit sucks
 and my future don't look to bright
 if you play your cards wrong
 you can take me home tonight
 some call me a loser
 and a lazy no good slob
 i've lost my house
 i've got no car
 i cant keep a job
 but i've got a big heart
 and another part
 take me home, you'll understand
 because my genitalia looks like a pringles can
 if you play your cards wrong
 you can take me home tonight
 when i pull my pants down
 hey you won't believe i'm white
 it's been said that i'm Mr. Ed
 but don't worry, I won't bite
 if you play your cards wrong
 you can take me home tonight
 some call me dishonest
 and they say i'm just lyin'
 but i peed next to ol' John Holmes and
 he started cryin'
 on a sunny day i've got it made
 get under my wiener if you need shade
 if you play your cards wrong
 you can take me home tonight