Poor Unfortunate Souls

The only way to get what you want is to become a human yourself
 Can you do that?
 My dear, sweet child, that's what I do, it's what I live for
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 To help unfortunate merfolk like yourself
 Poor souls with no one else to turn to
 I admit that in the past I've been a nasty
 They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch
 But you'll find that nowadays
 I've mended all my ways
 Repented, seen the light, and made a switch
 True? Yes
 And I fortunately know a little magic
 It's a talent that I always have possessed
 And dear lady, please don't laugh
 I use it on behalf
 Of the miserable, the lonely, and depressed, pathetic
 Poor unfortunate souls
 In pain, in need
 This one longing to be thinner
 That one wants to get the girl
 And do I help them?
 Yes, indeed
 Those poor unfortunate souls
 So sad, so true
 They come flocking to my cauldron
 Crying, "Spells, Ursula, please!"
 And I help them!
 Yes, I do
 Now it's happened once or twice
 Someone couldn't pay the price
 And I'm afraid I had to rake 'em 'cross the coals
 Yes, I've had the odd complaint
 But on the whole I've been a saint
 To those poor unfortunate souls
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 Have we got a deal?
 If I become human, I'll never be with my father or sisters again
 But you'll have your man
 Life's full of tough choices, isn't it?
 Oh, and there is one more thing
 We haven't discussed the subject of payment
 But I don't have-
 I'm not asking much, just a token really, a trifle
 What I want from you is your voice
 But without my voice, how can I-
 You'll have your looks, your pretty face
 And don't underestimate the importance of body language, ha!
 The men up there don't like a lot of blabber
 They think a girl who gossips is a bore
 Yet on land it's much prefered for ladies not to say a word
 And after all dear, what is idle babble for?
 Come on, they're not all that impressed with conversation
 True gentlemen avoid it when they can
 But they dote and swoon and fawn
 On a lady who's withdrawn
 It's she who holds her tongue who get's a man
 Come on, you poor unfortunate soul
 Go ahead
 Make your choice
 I'm a very busy woman and I haven't got all day
 It won't cost much
 Just your voice
 You poor unfortunate soul
 It's sad but true
 If you want to cross the bridge, my sweet
 You've got the pay the toll
 Take a gulp and take a breath
 And go ahead and sign the scroll
 Flotsam, Jetsam, now I've got her, boys
 The boss is on a roll
 This poor unfortunate soul
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 Beluga sevruga
 Come winds of the Caspian Sea
 Larengix glaucitis
 Et max laryngitis
 La voce to me
 Now, sing
 Ah
 
 Keep singing
 Ah