i just had an epiphany

Think I dug up my own grave
 Just a hypocritic bastard, bite the bullet and be brave
 I don't know how else to feel right now, I feel trapped in my brain
 Heard that line a million times, but you'll hear it over again
 I feel numb, but I feel happy, I don't know how else to feel
 Waves of pleasure brushing over me, but it feels so surreal
 I don't talk a lot, don't worry 'bout me, don't ask "What's the deal?"
 Don't try to put a smile on me, my face is fucking still
 All my music sounds the same
 Come up with a different name
 I won't take the fucking blame
 I won't take the fucking blame
 Try to be so civilized, but instead you wished I'd die
 I've been there since like day one,
 You put a spear right through my eye
 I can't feel, I'm fucking dead
 Fuck my eyes right through my head
 Lay your blood all through the bed
 I remember what you said
 Said let you fuck off and die
 I let you do this this time
 I'm so worried on you to this day, my paranoia climbs