The Laird of Inversnecky

"I think I'd rather sleep with her with no clothes on than you in your best suit"
 I said to my dummy at the Winter Gardens, Rothesay, Isle of Bute
 While the manager, praying for rain, watched the £50 grey clouds
 Rolling in
 Knowing if it rained we'd get the crowds
 Knowing if it rained we'd get the crowds
 Born in Greenock, 'the Tall Drole' was known to all
 Worked in the mines and the mills but ended up in music hall
 Maidie played the accordion, she was 'the Small Doll'
 We could bring the hoose doon, nae bother at a'!
 It all seems like yesterday, though you weren't alive
 The Panopticon, the Trongate, Glasgow 1935
 In the name of the wee man, here comes Funny Clive
 God, it made you glad to be alive
 It's the Laird of Inversnecky here, aye you ken me weil
 With ma cast of characters frae places that are nearly real
 Cold today! Aye! That's why we're by the seaside
 Everybody come
 To the Aberdeen Beach Pavilion
 Every single night is fun!
 I began as the panto tea boy, became the canny Scot
 Like a chimney sweep on a ladder to very top
 Synonymous for many with my famous character
 The Reverend I.M. Jolly, the morose minister
 The character comedians that you may see today
 Where'd they get their talent for remarkable mimicry?
 It's plain to see, it came from me, I saw them scribbling away
 They all laughed like crazy at my "hoity-toity ladies"
 "The flag at the castle is half mast high
 Let's all go down to Mackie's for a wee cup of tea"
 It's the Laird of Inversnecky here, back to make you greet
 The Portobello pierrots, they cannae compete
 At the Aberdeen Beach Pavilion, sixteen bloody years we've run
 And every single night of it's been fun!
 Every single bloody night's been fun!