Situation Comedy Blues

What's a laugh?
 The sound of common-sense falling apart
 What's common-sense?
 A million unthinking hearts
 At the end of the working day
 And who am I?
 Call me the barman standing waiting for the workers
 To drink their work away
 I'm the man who serves the laughter
 To the drunkards of disaster
 After they've got plastered on the news
 And I've got the situation comedy blues
 What's the situation?
 This man has been abandoned by his woman
 What's the reason?
 He's lost his sense of humour
 This man is sober
 And so he's gone to bed with another writer's scripts
 And his wife has had to move in with her mother
 And the man who serves the laughter
 To the drunkards of disaster
 After they've got plastered on the news
 (You fed him laughter)
 Has got the situation comedy blues
 He's been devising a new series
 Where the first man to appear is
 Pakistani and the second is a queer
 Who rings the bell in tights and biker's gear
 And he tells them that he's sorry to disturb them
 But the sari that the wife had on today was out of sight
 And could he maybe borrow it tonight?
 And the man who serves the laughter
 To the drunkards of disaster
 After they've got plastered on the news
 (He's died of laughter)
 Has got the situation comedy blues
 So the Paki asks the queen in
 To his brilliantly-lit kitchen
 Where he demonstrates his do-it-yourself tools
 He's the type who doesn't gladly suffer fools
 But he electrocutes his finger in his biggest Black and Decker
 When his wife appears in towel and rubber hat
 And the bath she's running floods the neighbours' flat
 And the man who serves the laughter
 To the drunkards of disaster
 After they've got plastered on the news
 (This man is sober)
 Yeah, the man who serves the laughter
 To the workaholics after
 They've got well and truly plastered on the news
 Takes a break from the booze
 I've been sitting here unhappily
 Trying to write this comedy
 When I hear a sudden laugh in the next room
 And thinking it's my woman who's come home
 I call her name expectantly and, glad that she's come back to me,
 I throw away my trivialising pen ...
 And then the television laughs again
 And the man who serves the laughter
 To the drunkards of disaster
 After they've got plastered on the news
 (This man is falling apart)
 Yeah, the man who serves the laughter
 To the workaholics after
 They've got well and truly plastered on the news
 (This man hits the booze)
 OK, lets have a big laugh
 Not just a ripple
 Everybody
 Applause
 And cue commercial break
 Marie come back to me
 Marie come back to me
 Marie come back to me
 Marie come back to me
 - -by the flowers.