When the Kids Get Married

When the kids get married
 I'm gonna spend each day in bed
 Chocolates in my pocket
 A pillow underhead
 I'm gonna read just what I please
 Even finish "War and Peace"
 I wish they'd marry soon!
 Agnes, would you hand me my collected Tolstoy, please?
 Ah, thank you
 Now if you'll just excuse me for a couple of years -
 Quite all right, dear
 I have plans of my own
 When the kids get married
 I'm gonna teach myself to paint
 Nothing very fancy
 Something kind of quaint
 I'm gonna paint the way we live
 Call it early, primitive
 I wish they'd marry soon!
 When the kids get married
 I'm gonna play the saxophone
 Practice till I master
 Every golden tome
 Then when I get my sax in hand
 I may form a little band
 I wish they'd marry soon
 When the kids get married
 I'm gonna try the violin
 Something nice and simple
 That's how I'll begin!
 Then when I finish "Claire de Lune"
 I'll attack another tune
 I wish they'd marry soon
 Agnes, here's your fiddle
 (And Michael, here's your sax)
 Thank you
 (I've been waiting thirty years for this!)
 ♪
 When the kids get married
 We're gonna play for one and all
 Maybe give recitals
 At Philharmonic Hall
 We're gonna be a double bill
 The oldest team in vaudeville
 If they don't marry soon
 I'm gonna spend a year in bed
 I'm gonna dye my hair bright red
 And I'm gonna learn to shoot some golf
 I'm gonna take my girdle off
 Play the sax (Claire de Lune)
 Take a second honeymoon
 I wish they'd marry soon!
 Oh, Michael!