The Speed Test

Take a letter
 To a Mr. John Hudson, Hudson's Floor Wax
 You will find an invoice in the file for the address
 Dear Mr. Hudson
 Colon
 My eyes are fully open to my awful situation
 So I'm writing you a letter to demand an explanation
 When the floor wax that we bought from you
 Arrived here Monday morning
 We discovered upon usage
 That the fumes should have a warning
 Since the only possiblity is that your wax is rancid
 I request a full refund of all the money we advanced
 And unless you can convince me you've improved the floor wax batter
 We will take our business elsewhere so
 I hope you solve this matter
 How's my speed Miss Dillmount?
 A little slow perhaps
 Ah
 Enclosed you'll find a small container
 Of the stuff I talk about
 Just carefully remove the lid
 And take a whiff if you've a doubt
 I'm sure you wouldn't want me to alert the daily papers
 With the news of how our office was affected by your vapours
 Which is why I choose to write to you a confidential letter
 Full of strong recommendation that you make your floor wax better
 I just hope it won't require us to have our floor relaid
 And if it does you may expect a bill
 Sincerely, Trevor Graydon
 Now read that back to me please
 Certainly
 Dear Mr. Hudson
 Colon
 My eyes are fully open to my awful situation
 So I'm writing you a letter to demand an explanation
 When the floor wax that we bought from you
 Arrived here Monday morning
 We discovered upon usage
 That the fumes should have a warning
 Since the only possiblity is that your wax is rancid
 I request a full refund of all the money we advanced
 Nice
 And unless you can convince me you've improved the floor wax batter
 We will take our business elsewhere so
 I hope you solve this matter
 Not half bad, continue please
 Enclosed you'll find a small container
 Of the stuff I talk about, just carefully remove the lid
 And take a whiff if you've a doubt
 I'm sure you wouldn't want me to alert the daily papers
 With the news of how our office was affected by your vapours
 Which is why I choose to write to you a confidential letter
 Full of strong recommendation that you make your floor wax better
 I just hope it won't require us to have our floor relaid
 And if it does you may expect a bill
 Sincerely, Trevor Graydon
 Miss Dillmount
 May I speak frankly?
 Yes?
 If I could be so lucky as to have a good stenographer
 To keep this place as up-to-date
 As her short skirt and bobbed coiffure
 I wouldn't have to worry about our soured office planking
 And could concentrate on generating profits ripe for banking
 That is why I'm testing you with this outrageous correspondence
 Which I don't intend to actually mail to the respondents
 So if you can make sense of my unintelligible patter
 Then the job is yours, and Hudson's Floor Wax really doesn't matter
 Hudson's Floor Wax doesn't matter, matter
 Hudson's Floor Wax doesn't matter
 Hudson's Floor Wax doesn't matter, matter
 Hudson's Floor Wax doesn't matter
 Now, I want that letter on my desk in two minutes flat
 Man your machine, go!
 ♪
 Time!
 Dear Mr. Hudson
 (Colon) my eyes are fully open to my awful situation
 So I'm writing you a letter to demand an explanation
 When the floor wax that we bought from you
 Arrived here Monday morning
 We discovered upon usage
 That the fumes should have a warning
 Since the only possiblity is that your wax is rancid
 I request a full refund of all the money we advanced
 Unless you can convince me you've improved the floor wax batter
 We will take our business elsewhere so
 I hope you solve this matter
 So I hope you solve this matter
 (So I hope you solve this matter)
 So I hope you solve this matter
 (So I hope you solve this matter)
 So I hope you solve this matter
 So I hope you solve this matter
 So I hope you solve this matter, matter, matter, matter
 Going on
 Enclosed you'll find a small container of the stuff I talk about
 Just carefully remove the lid and take a whiff if you've a doubt
 I'm sure you wouldn't want me to alert the daily papers
 With the news of how our office was affected by your vapours
 Which is why I choose to write to you a confidential letter
 Full of strong recommendation that you make your floor wax better
 I just hope it won't require us to have our floor relaid
 And if it does you may expect a bill
 Sincerely, Trevor Graydon
 You have made the team, Miss Dillmount
 (You have made the team, Miss Dillmount)
 Tell me where my desk is, when we eat lunch
 How much I'll be paid and nice to meet you
 I know we'll be friends, just call me Millie Graydon
 (Millie Graydon?) I mean Dillmount
 (Millie Dillmount?) Someday Graydon
 (Graydon? Dillmount? Dillmount? Graydon? Graydon?)
 (Dillmount?) Graydon