Cussin' Island

Hello, kiddies
 No, it's not Mr. Rogers
 It's Jimmy, with a little tale
 Maybe you'll like this
 I know, I never should have written this song
 I know, I'm in trouble if your kids sing along
 I hope you don't misconstrue
 This could be my Waterloo if you do
 And I know, the same thing could happen to you
 Cruisin' down the coast of Panama with my kids
 Snorkelin' with the stingrays, 'cudas and the squids
 Things were goin' way too well
 All of a sudden heaven turned into hell
 If you dare to venture out on the ocean
 It's unavoidable to face some commotion
 My kids were fightin' on the foredeck
 What the hell would Huck Finn do?
 Hey young lady, did I just hear you call
 Your brother a stupid little shit?
 You know you're not allowed to use those words
 Now apologize lickety split
 That's why I'm takin' you to Cussin' Island
 Headin' this boat south
 I think you should know
 That's where I met Cousteau
 And we will work on your potty mouth
 And when we get to Cussin' Island
 I'm gonna drop you on the beach
 Anchor way out, get ready for the bout
 And watch you exercise your freedom of speech
 At first they looked a little frightened and dismayed
 Just like those weird contestants on Naked and Afraid
 It started with a smirk then the dirty words came gushin'
 I saw dolphins swimmin' by, even they were blushin'
 I stood there on the bow feelin' like a hypocrite
 As they fired unholy salvos
 Like a German Messerschmitt
 And they cussed horseflies, homework, Taliban, and Barney
 Piano lessons, etiquette sessions, wakin' up too early
 Makin' beds, takin' meds, invasion of our space
 They kept it up until they both turned blue in the face
 ♪
 World on our shoulders
 Feelin' like boulders
 We're tired, please give us a hand
 This is some weird shit
 Cussin' ain't worth it
 Let's bury those words in the sand
 ♪
 Downwind, I could hear every word loud and clear
 Having second thoughts of bringin' them here
 It was just a split second decision
 Their repertoire was never envisioned
 Past time to put an exit plan into gear
 Time flies, now all my little pirates are grown
 Soon they'll be raisin' buccaneers of their own
 Do I think they learned a lesson
 Or was it just a silly ass show
 Well the answer is part of the problem
 The simple truth, fuck no
 That's why we have to have Cussin' Island
 Our rally point and rendezvous
 I've sailed many a mile, collected millions of smiles
 And I know the same thing could happen to you
 That's right, it could happen to you
 And you know where it could happen to you?
 Cussin' Island