There Is a Sucker Born Ev'ry Minute

Barnum's the name
 P.T. Barnum!
 And whether you think my humbug's a blessin' or a curse
 You're still gonna buy it
 Why?
 Because ev'ry sixty seconds in this world
 A delightful phenomenon takes place
 Which absolutely guarantees it!
 There is a sucker born ev'ry minute
 Each time the second hand sweeps to the top
 Like dandelions up they pop
 Their ears so big, their eyes so wide
 And though I feed 'em bonafide baloney
 With no truth in it
 Why you can bet I'll find some rube to buy my corn
 'Cause there's a sure-as-shooting sucker born a minute
 And I'm referring to the minute you was born
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 Each blessed hour brings sixty of 'em
 Each time that wooden cuckoo shows his face
 Another sucker takes his place
 And plunks his quarter on the line
 To buy my brand of genuine malarkey
 God bless and love 'em!
 But don't feel sad or hoppin' mad or cause a scene
 'Cause there's a sure-as-shooting sucker born a minute
 But Ma'am you mighta been the minute in between
 If I allow that right here in my hands
 The smallest living human man
 The sight of that is surely worth a dime
 If I present an educated pooch
 Who's trained to dance the hoochie cooch
 What better way to waste a bit of time?
 If I import at monumental cost
 A lady, fair, who's head was lost
 While crossing railroad tracks to pick some zinnias
 Who eats farina through a hose
 And wears pink tights instead of clothes
 If that ain't worth a buck my name ain't Phineas
 Aw you say that's hog wash, well who cares?
 You'll buy my hog wash long as
 There's a sucker born ev'ry minute
 Each time that second hand sweeps to the top
 Like dandelions up they pop
 Their ears so big, their eyes so wide
 And though my tale is bonafide baloney
 Just let me spin it
 And ain't no man who can resist me, wait and see
 'Cause there's a sure-as-shooting sucker born a minute
 And friends, the biggest one excluding none is me!