How I Saved Roosevelt

That was President-elect Franklin D. Roosevelt
 Ladies and gentlemen
 Speaking to a crowd of supporters
 Here in Miami's beautiful Bayfront Park
 A group of notables are pressing in around the President-elect's car
 There's Mayor Anton Cermak of Chicago
 There's been a shot!
 Ladies and gentlemen, there has been a shot!
 Wait, I can't see!
 No, Mr. Roosevelt is waving!
 He's all right!
 But Mayor Cermak has been hit!
 The police have somebody in custody
 An immigrant!
 Giuseppe Zangara
 Ladies and gentlemen
 We take you now to a group of eyewitnesses who will tell us
 What they saw!
 We're crowded up close
 And I see this guy
 He's squeezing by
 I catch his eye
 I say to him, "Where do you
 Think you are trying to go, boy?
 Whoa, boy!"
 I say, "Listen, you runt
 You're not pulling that stunt
 No gentleman pushes their way to the front"
 I say, "Move to the back!", which he does with a grunt
 Which is how I saved Roosevelt!
 Then!
 Well, I'm in my seat
 I get up to clap
 I feel this tap
 I turn, this sap
 He says he can't see
 I say, "Find a lap
 And go sit
 On it!"
 Which is how I saved
 Then!
 He started to swear
 And he climbed on a chair
 He was aiming a gun
 I was standing right there
 So I pushed it as hard as I could in the air!
 Which is how I saved Roosevelt!
 Lucky I was there!
 That's why he was standing back so far!
 That's why when he aimed, he missed the car!
 Just lucky I was there!
 Or we'd have been left
 Bereft
 Of FDR!
 You think that I scare?
 No scare
 You think that I care?
 No care
 I look at the world
 No good. No fair. Nowhere
 When I am a boy
 No school
 I work in a ditch
 No chance
 The smart and the rich
 Ride by
 Don't give no glance
 Ever since then, because of them
 I have the sickness in the stomach
 Which is the way I make my idea
 To go out and kill Roosevelt
 First I was figure I kill Hoover
 I get even for the stomach
 Only Hoover up in Washington
 Is winter time in Washington
 Too cold for the stomach in Washington
 I go down to Miami, kill Roosevelt
 No laugh!
 No funny!
 Men with the money
 They control everything
 Roosevelt, Hoover
 No make-a no difference
 You think I care who I kill?
 I no care who I kill
 Long as it's king-a!
 The crowd's breaking up
 When I hear these shots
 And I mean lots
 I thought I'd plotz!
 I spotted him
 My stomach was tied in knots
 So I barreled
 Harold!
 No, what happened was this
 He was blowing a kiss
 She means Roosevelt
 I was saying to Harold, "This weather is bliss!"
 When you think that we might have missed
 Seeing him miss!
 Lucky we were there!
 It was a historical event
 Worth every penny that we spent!
 Just lucky we were there!
 To think, if I let him get up closer!
 I saw right away he was insane
 Oh, this is my husband, we're from Maine
 He told me to sit, but I said, "No, sir!"
 This makes our vacation a real success!
 Are you with the press?
 Yes
 Oh God, I'm a mess!
 Some left-wing foreigner, that's my guess
 No!
 And wasn't the band just fantastic?
 No left!
 You think I am left?
 No left, no right
 No anything!
 Only American!
 Zangara have nothing
 No luck, no girl
 Zangara no smart, no school
 But Zangara no foreign tool
 Zangara American!
 American nothing!
 And why there no photographers?
 For Zangara no photographers!
 Only capitalists get photographers!
 No right!
 Lucky I was there! (No fair! Nowhere!)
 I'm on the front page, is that bizarre? (So what?)
 And all of those pictures, like a star (No sorry!)
 Just lucky I was there! (And soon, no Zangara!)
 We might have been left (Who care?)
 Bereft of F (Pull switch!)
 D (No care no more! No!)
 R!