The Worst Pies in London

A customer!
 Wait, what's your rush? What's your hurry?
 You gave me such a fright, I thought you was a ghost
 Half a minute, come here, sit, sit you down, sit
 All I meant is that I haven't seen a customer for weeks
 Did you come here for a pie, sir?
 Do forgive me if me head's a little vague
 What is that?
 But you think we had the plague
 From the way that people keep avoiding
 No, you don't
 Heaven knows I try, sir!
 But there's no one comes in even to inhale
 Right you are, sir, would you like a drop of ale?
 Mind you, I can't hardly blame them
 These are probably the worst pies in London
 I know why nobody cares to take them
 I should know, I make 'em, but good? No!
 The worst pies in London
 Even that's polite the worst pies in London
 If you doubt it, take a bite
 Is that just disgusting?
 You have to concede it
 It's nothing but crusting
 Here, drink this, you'll need it
 The worst pies in London
 And no wonder with the price of meat
 What it is? When you get it? Never
 Thought I'd live to see the day
 Men'd think it was a treat
 Findin' poor animals
 Wot are dyin' in the street
 Mrs. Mooney has a pie shop
 Does a business but I notice somethin' weird
 Lately all her neighbors' cats have disappeared
 Have to hand it to her, wot I calls
 Enterprise poppin' pussies into pies!
 Wouldn't do in my shop
 Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick
 And I'm tellin' you, them pussycats is quick
 No denyin' times is hard, sir
 Even harder than the worst pies in London
 Only lard and nothing more
 Is that just revolting
 All greasy and gritty?
 It looks like it's molting
 And tastes like, well, pity
 A woman alone with limited wind
 And the worst pies in London
 Ah, sir, times is hard
 Times is hard!