Funny Honey

For her first number
 Miss Roxie Hart sings a song of love and devotion
 Dedicated to her dear husband, Amos
 Sometimes I'm right
 Sometimes I'm wrong
 But he doesn't care
 He'll string along
 He loves me so
 That funny honey of mine
 Sometimes I'm down
 Sometimes I'm up
 But he follows 'round
 Like some droopy-eyed pup
 He loves me so
 That funny honey of mine
 He ain't no sheikh
 That's no great physique
 Lord knows, he ain't got the smarts
 But look at that soul
 I tell ya, that whole
 Is a whole lot greater than the sum of his parts
 And if you knew him like me
 I know you'd agree
 What if the world slandered my name?
 Why, he'd be right there
 Takin' the blame
 He loves me so
 And it all suits me fine
 That funny, sunny, honey hubby of mine
 Man got a right to protect his home and his loved ones, right?
 Of course he has
 I come in from the garage, Officer, see
 And I see him coming through the window (uh-huh)
 My wife Roxie, there sleeping
 Like an angel (uh-huh)
 An angel
 He loves me so, that funny honey of mine
 Name of deceased: Fred Casely
 Fred Casely?
 How can he be a burglar?
 My wife knows him
 He sold us our furniture!
 Lord knows, he ain't got the smarts
 Oh, she lied to me!
 She told me it was a burglar!
 You mean he was dead when you got home?
 Yeah, she had him covered with a sheet already
 She's tellin' me that cock and bull story about some burglar
 And I oughta say I did it
 'Cause I was sure to get off!
 Burglar, huh?!
 Now he shot off his trap
 I can't stand that sap
 Look at him go (and I believed her!)
 Rattin', rattin' on me! (That little tramp!)
 With just one more brain (so she was cheating on me, huh?)
 What a half-wit he'd be (well, she can swing for all I care)
 If they string me up (boy, I'm down at the garage)
 I'll know, I'll know (workin' my butt off fourteen hours a day)
 Who bought the twine (and she's up here munchin' her goddamn bon-bons and jazzin'!)
 That scummy, crummy (Well, this time you pushed me too hard)
 Dummy hubby of mine! (Boy, what a sap I was!)