Expiation

Dear mother I'm a terrible man
 I stare at your picture with a gun in my hand
 You're still the one thing that's keeping me alive in what they call home
 Somehow I still feel alone
 Under that black sky, it all feels the same
 And every failure justifies the epitaph on my grave
 "He was a good man just not enough to keep him safe from himself"
 I guess that's what it would say
 'Cause when you lose all, you realise that
 Some things will always be more precious than life
 While everyone lives unworried and carefree
 Sometimes it feels like you'd be better away from here
 What happened since the day faith left is a blur
 But I remember wishing that I was dead instead of her
 Don't ever ask me to serve as a model
 Wish I could be a man and learn to pass the bottle (XXX)
 I need a new plan before it's my time
 To raise the flag and kiss this hateful place goodnight
 It'll never want me, it'll never need me, it'll never love me
 Let down and cursed to be jaded
 With NO FATHER, NO GOD
 Another day as shark bait
 I face death with eyes wide open all the way
 So let the wolves in, no matter how far it gets me
 I fear that no one can save me