Oom-Pah-Pah

Ladies and gentlemen
 Sinners all
 I call upon our goddess of the urchins
 To give us a well-known rendition
 Of the old school song
 "Oom-Pah-Pah"!
 All right, all right
 Here we go, then!
 Oh, there's a little ditty
 They're singin' in the city
 Especially when they've been on the gin or the beer
 If you've got the patience
 Your own imaginations'll
 Tell you just exactly what you want to hear
 Oom-pah-pah, oom-pah-pah
 That's how it goes
 Oom-pah-pah, oom-pah-pah
 Everyone knows
 They all suppose what they want to suppose
 When they hear oom-pah-pah
 Mr. Percy Snodgrass
 Would often have the odd glass
 But never when he thought anybody could see
 Secretly he'd buy it
 Drink it on the quiet
 And dream he was an earl
 With a girl on each knee
 Oom-pah-pah, oom-pah-pah
 That's how it goes
 Oom-pah-pah, oom-pah-pah
 Everyone knows
 What is the cause of his red shiny nose?
 Could it be oom-pah-pah?
 Pretty little Sally
 Goes walking down the alley
 Displays a pretty ankle
 To all of the men
 They could see her garters
 But not for free and gratis
 An inch or two and then
 She knows when to say when!
 Oom-pah-pah, oom-pah-pah
 That's how it goes
 Oom-pah-pah, oom-pah-pah
 Everyone knows
 Whether it's hidden
 Or whether it shows
 It's the same, oom-pah-pah
 She was from the country
 But now she's up a gum-tree
 She let a fella beat her
 And lead her along
 What's the use of crying?
 She made a bed to lie in
 She's glad to bring a coin in
 And join in this song!
 Oom-pah-pah, oom-pah-pah
 That's how it goes
 Oom-pah-pah, oom-pah-pah
 Everyone knows
 She is no longer the same blushing rose
 Ever since oom-pah-pah
 (There's a little ditty) Oom-pah-pah, oom-pah-pah
 (They're singing in the city) That's how it goes
 (Especially when they're been) Oom-pah-pah, oom-pah-pah
 (On the gin or the beer) Everyone knows
 (If you've got the patience, your own imaginations) They all suppose what they want to suppose
 (Will tell you just exactly what you want to hear) When they hear oom-pah-pah
 Oom-pah-pah, oom-pah-pah
 That's how it goes
 Oom-pah-pah, oom-pah-pah
 Everyone knows
 They all suppose what they want to suppose
 When they hear oom-pah-pah